3. Picking up the pieces

So after a night of rest i lay awake in my bed and studied my canulla wondering what it was used for.  i then noticed that both my wrists were very badly bruised.  I knew I would have had a plethora of blood tests but where on earch did the bruising come from. I  worried that in my drugged state I may have kicked off and been restrained.  This bothered me and I had to know the answers.  A lovely male nurse agreed to sit down with me and my notes to answer my questions.  I wanted to check everything was functioning as it should be; “Did you do LFT’s, Kidney function, FBC’s the whole lot and what were my results?  All came back normal thankfully.  A lucky escape I guess but lets be honest this could come back to haunt me in the future. As for the bruises on my arms, no I was never restrained.  it was most likely due to me having blood gasses taken.  Going deep for the arteries can definately bruise.

That was such a relief to me as I really didn’t want to imagine me being horrible to the poeople who were there saving my life.  So now I become more inquisitive.  I’ve noticed staff following me around, checking on me excessively and it clicks, “oh shit have i been sectioned?”  I was admitted Friday night and on Sunday evening I found out that yes I was being detained there under a section 1 (72 hrs initially).

So lets explore that for a minute.  What happens to you when your under a section 1.  Obviously i could not leave, but oh its much more than that.  I was essentailly stalked, nurses and HCA’s watching my every move. i couldn’t pee, shower or brush my teeth without someone knocking on the door to ask am i o.k. Off course what they are really asking is are you doing anything stupid in there? it was horrible.  I was not delusional, or incoherent, i knew exactly what was happening and could feel the gravity of the situation even stronger with every staring eye.  When my sun and parnter eventaully came in to see me we weren’t even allowed to leave the ward.  I had to entrain a toddler in a cubicle, but make sure your curtain is open.  I felt so helpless and pathetic and angry towards the staff, but i knew they were only following protocol.

A couple of days of staring, increasing frustration from me and some heart to hearts with nurses did mean that they loosened the reigns just a little, but it was so important to my self esteem.  So what would happen now?  I’m out of the woods in terms of drug effects but would i be allowed to go home?  A team of mental health assesors would decide my fate.

“We’re detaining you under Section 2 of the mental health act and we are looking for a bed for you right now”

oh joy!!!

You look beatiful today.

Loopy x.

 

Author: insideloopyshead

On paper I have the perfect life, good career, supportive and loving partner and a beautiful little son. But today I want to die. It’s time to set my thoughts free. Come along with my daily mental adventures and gain insight into warped thinking and it’s hazards and maybe support me along the way.

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