6. “There were no donkeys in your day!”

“There were no donekys in your day, it was the apocolypse!! Laura Lacey, Laura Lura Lacey go home to your son Arthur. ”

Such ramblings echo through the halls, an affirmation of the devastating effects of mental ilness.  Surely I’m not this bad.  Surely I don’t belong here.  Do I?

A Psyciatric Hospital is a very difficult place to be when you have all your faculties.  I’m depressed; Yes, but I’m also in the minority here in that I am acutely aware of my situation and the meaning of it.  A staff member asked me soon after arrival, the old favourite; Do you know why you are here?  He was shocked when i answered him coherently and with thought.  He’s on rotation at the moment, with a view to gaining experience in mental health to better equip him to work with acutely mentally ill patients in A&E.  I should state that he will be excellant at it.

So what are the patients really like in a pyciatric hospital.  The truth is we are all just human beings trying to make sense of the world around us as we navigate our own paths.  B is awesome; a lady who pretty much beef boxes to herself constantly and seems to be stuck in an eternal rave!.  Whatever she is on, I’d love some.

J is quiet, unassuming and appears about of her depth.  But this is false as i found out when sharing a wellbing class with her.  She is remarkably aware of her emotions and the needs of others.  I just want someone to look out for her.

N, another raver who turned a one hour leave into and all night expidition.  They had police an all sorts looking for her.  I was glad that she came back safely.  “Just saw me mates”, and why not, I thought.  Although the world can be a dangerous place for those of us who are vunerable like N.

There are also those in here who break my heart, abused, neglected, mistreated and alone.  I cannot begin to imagine the turmoil that lead them to this place and i just cannot see a brighter future for them.  But i shall remain hopeful.

So do I belong here? Was i mistreated or abused? No!,  Do i have a family who loves me? Yes. On paper infact i probably have it all.  The career, the loving partner, the beautiful child, loving sibling, parents, and friends and yet all i want to do is kill myself.  I’ll keep the reasons in my head for now, as their triviality would probably shock and anger you.  I’m pretty pathetic really.

Do something you enjoy today.

Loopy x.

 

Author: insideloopyshead

On paper I have the perfect life, good career, supportive and loving partner and a beautiful little son. But today I want to die. It’s time to set my thoughts free. Come along with my daily mental adventures and gain insight into warped thinking and it’s hazards and maybe support me along the way.

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