9. Time to Reflect.

So probably quite surprisingly psych wards are incredibly mundane places.  You’d expect lots of group therapy sessions, mindfulness and just generally a barrage of lovey dovey lets all share our feelings type events, but it’s not like that at all.  There are off course the odd group activities, some of which they pass off as group psychology but in reality they’re 30 minute discussions on what negative thoughts are.  I’m here aren’t I, I flipping know what negative thoughts are.  How can we challenge those negative thoughts?  Again I’m flipping here aren’t I.  I’m an intelligent (honestly not boasting) lady with a PhD.  If we could all just challenge our negative thoughts many psych wards would be empty.  it’s not that flipping simple!!!

So what I’ve had is an abundance of time to reflect on my past and how those past experiences have probably shaped the person I have become today. So let’s look back at childhood shall we.  Well the truth is, I don’t actually remember much of my childhood.  It was neither overly happy, nor overly sad.  I had loving parents who worked hard to provide for us.  We were never rich but my folks always splashed out at Christmas.  I now know that that must have put an incredible strain on them, but every year they made damn sure that our Christmas mornings were filled with toys and games and goodies.  It was one of the ways they showed us that they loved us.  We didn’t really do emotions in our house or feelings, but every Christmas morning the house was filled with excitement and hugs.

As for the rest of my childhood and adolescent years, sitting here now, all I can remember are the flashes of bad times.  Growing up with a genetic condition that makes you stand out like a sore thumb is not easy.  I can remember one day running, and mucking about down on our local GAA pitch and a complete stranger deliberately tripping me, because they thought it would be funny. Tripping a visually impaired kid, yep that’s hilarious, you utter wanker.   I used to hang around with boys quite a lot, I was a tom boy but I’m also starting to think that perhaps evolutionarily, I did it to survive.  Boy’s are less judgemental and bitchy.  One mate in particular was PF.  I’m from a village that gets swamped with visitors every summer and every summer these young blow in’s would spot me, and although I could largely bear the stares, the odd comment about me being weird looking would cut quite deep.  PF stood up for me on many occasions even threatening to beat them up.  I’ll always have a fond place in my heart for PF for those very reasons.

As for adolescence and negotiating my teens years.  Well lets just say, being as pale and weird looking as I am, and with a mum enforced crew cut, I wasn’t exactly a hit with the fellas.  Oh and thank you UMcG for that day you poured coke in my hair to add some colour. I guess I’ve never really got over that one.

Do events of the past shape who we are today.  Probably.

If we were all the same life would be bloody boring.  Embrace your differences.

Love Loopy x.

Author: insideloopyshead

On paper I have the perfect life, good career, supportive and loving partner and a beautiful little son. But today I want to die. It’s time to set my thoughts free. Come along with my daily mental adventures and gain insight into warped thinking and it’s hazards and maybe support me along the way.

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