16. Apathy

I’m feeling very odd today.  I guess I can only describe it as apathetic. It’s nearly 3 weeks now since I took my overdose and today I feel like I did that day.  I’m slighlty anxious, slighlty sad, slightly hyper and slightly in love with the idea of death.  If I had those pills again today, I would take them, and I would not call an ambulance.

I find myself scanning every room in this place for ways to hurt myself, and then I catch the eyes of staff on me and think it wouldn’t work anyway.  Maybe I just need to be patient.  Death will find me if it’s meant to, or I’ll find it.

We played a game a little while ago in the MTT room and for those moments I forgot about everything and just focused on the game.  I even laughed.

I just need to get through today.

Loopy x.

Author: insideloopyshead

On paper I have the perfect life, good career, supportive and loving partner and a beautiful little son. But today I want to die. It’s time to set my thoughts free. Come along with my daily mental adventures and gain insight into warped thinking and it’s hazards and maybe support me along the way.

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