I’m feeling very odd today. I guess I can only describe it as apathetic. It’s nearly 3 weeks now since I took my overdose and today I feel like I did that day. I’m slighlty anxious, slighlty sad, slightly hyper and slightly in love with the idea of death. If I had those pills again today, I would take them, and I would not call an ambulance.
I find myself scanning every room in this place for ways to hurt myself, and then I catch the eyes of staff on me and think it wouldn’t work anyway. Maybe I just need to be patient. Death will find me if it’s meant to, or I’ll find it.
We played a game a little while ago in the MTT room and for those moments I forgot about everything and just focused on the game. I even laughed.
I just need to get through today.