O.k so sometimes I can identify this trigger. Running water, taking a shower or being down by the sea often remind me of that diving experience that didn’t end so well. But then there are times when I’m just walking around the yard, making a cup of tea, going on the train or whatever and there it is, the blue face.
When you see a lifeless body dragged onto a boat, wetsuit ripped open and grown men pounding on his chest, I guess it never really leaves you but I cannot shake his blue face. It flashes before my eyes at seemingly random moments and then it passes and I go about my day until the next ime it flashes. It’s been happening more frequent lately. Maybe it’s because I’m stressed or low anyway or maybe its because the guilt I felt that I should have done more is starting to once again eat away at me. He was a Dad to young girls and I’m now a mum. Why did I not do more to stop those girls losing their Dad.
I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry.