23. Family visits

I’ve got a visit today and I’m dreading it.  Staff always say “is your son coming in today, ah that will be nice” So why do I dread it. My son will come in with his Dad, he’ll play with the toys and he’ll pretty much ignore me.  He’s not even 2, I shouldn’t expect him to embrace me and show me he loves me. I feel so detached from him at times.  He comes in and I feel like he belongs to someone else, like he’s my nephew or a friends child. It’s difficult to explain.

I do love him, and want the best for him, but I don’t think that’s me.  I’m too hard to be around and as he gets older it will impact him more.  My son deserves a better mum.

Loopy x.

Author: insideloopyshead

On paper I have the perfect life, good career, supportive and loving partner and a beautiful little son. But today I want to die. It’s time to set my thoughts free. Come along with my daily mental adventures and gain insight into warped thinking and it’s hazards and maybe support me along the way.

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