50. Mood stabilised at the wrong end of the spectrum.

For anyone following, first of all thank you.  50 posts now but I’m still on my journey to find that elusive satisfaction with life, that will stop me wanting to end it.  Just to be clear, I don’t want material things, I just want to stop hating myself.

I am now on Queitipine twice a day on top of my usual mirtazapine and twice daily diazepam. The Quieitipine should be a mood stabilizer and I am finding that yes it does indeed stabilize ones mood.  The problem is that it appears to have done so at my lowest end of the spectrum.  I’m feeling very low today.  Missed breakfast and only just got up in time for lunch being served.  I tried on like 3 T-shirts when I got up, but they were too tight. The ugly person staring back at me in the mirror, discouraged me from eating much.

I also sat in my room for a bit before leaving it for lunch breathing into a Maoam sweets plastic bag to see if I could pass out, well not quite pass out but start to feel hypoxic.  I couldn’t get a tight enough seal around my face.  I need a bigger bag.

I barely slept last night, maybe that’s why I’m being odd today.

Loopy x.

 

Author: insideloopyshead

On paper I have the perfect life, good career, supportive and loving partner and a beautiful little son. But today I want to die. It’s time to set my thoughts free. Come along with my daily mental adventures and gain insight into warped thinking and it’s hazards and maybe support me along the way.

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