54. Escorted leave.

I do now have family leave.  It’s odd though because although I was initially sectioned, I’ve not been under section for a while; however leave is not quite 100 =% up to me.  It’s at the nurses discretion and today they found out I had burned myself.  I was therefore not allowed to go unless I told my partner this, as he would be responsible for me when I’m off the ward. Makes me think that voluntary doesn’t really ever truly mean voluntary in these places.

As for the leave itself, it still feels odd.  I’m finding outside these walls strange and if I’m being completely honest, I don’t quite feel safe out there yet. I’m perfectly o.k under the watch of my OH, but I’m not so sure I would be on my own.

Our chat this evening was nice though.  It felt more natural than it has done for some time now.  We went for a walk around a lake and he held me as we talked.  it felt safe.  I’m also oddly relieved to be back.  Mixed thoughts of I still want to die, but a little more guilt this evening that it would hurt my partner too much.

Loopy x.

Author: insideloopyshead

On paper I have the perfect life, good career, supportive and loving partner and a beautiful little son. But today I want to die. It’s time to set my thoughts free. Come along with my daily mental adventures and gain insight into warped thinking and it’s hazards and maybe support me along the way.

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