64. I lied.

OH was waiting at the ward door.  We’d arranged to go out to the cinema today.

“Are you feeling ok?” the nurse asked before I left.

“Yes all good”; i replied, but it was a lie.  I’m not feeling o.k today.

We didn’t go to the cinema, we walked around some shops instead.  OH yawned endlessly. I could tell he didn’t want to be walking around with me. He’s growing ever more tired of me.  I could barely talk to him. There was this awkward tension between us.  We went to get something to eat.  I couldn’t sit. We had to go. I felt really anxious amongst the crowds of Saturday shoppers. I do get occasional social anxiety but today it was really bad.

I think the drugs are making me worse!  Now I need to burn but I promised myself I wouldn’t do that today.

I need to talk to someone.

Loopy x.

Author: insideloopyshead

On paper I have the perfect life, good career, supportive and loving partner and a beautiful little son. But today I want to die. It’s time to set my thoughts free. Come along with my daily mental adventures and gain insight into warped thinking and it’s hazards and maybe support me along the way.

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