Sweaty palms, a racing heart and a real sense of unease. These are feelings I get regularly but never talk about. I’m always forgotten in here. I’m always one of the last to be seen to. I’m not loud, I don’t bang on the nurses office door constantly throughout the day. I don’t pester the staff (though there are one or two I’m more comfortable with). But I do have needs. These don’t get met because I’m too nervous to ask a staff member for somehting. I walk past the nurses office 10 times before I actually knock on the door. If they look busy it will be at least an hour before I re-attempt.
I’m a lecturer who can stand up in front of 200+ students and deliver a lecture, but when I go back to my builiding, I’m shy asking the office staff to photocopy something. I can’t ask for help if it involves interupting an adult conversation. I can’t ask for help if there are several staff in the office joking and laughing. My heart pounds, my hands become clammy and more often than not, I just walk by.
I need to somehow bring this up.