89. Anxiety

Sweaty palms, a racing heart and a real sense of unease. These are feelings I get regularly but never talk about. I’m always forgotten in here.  I’m always one of the last to be seen to.  I’m not loud, I don’t bang on the nurses office door constantly throughout the day.  I don’t pester the staff (though there are one or two I’m more comfortable with).  But I do have needs.  These don’t get met because I’m too nervous to ask a staff member for somehting.  I walk past the nurses office 10 times before I actually knock on the door.  If they look busy it will be at least an hour before I re-attempt.

I’m a lecturer who can stand up in front of 200+ students and deliver a lecture, but when I go back to my builiding, I’m shy asking the office staff to photocopy something.  I can’t ask for help if it involves interupting an adult conversation.  I can’t ask for help if there are several staff in the office joking and laughing.  My heart pounds, my hands become clammy and more often than not, I just walk by.

I need to somehow bring this up.

Loopy x.

Author: insideloopyshead

On paper I have the perfect life, good career, supportive and loving partner and a beautiful little son. But today I want to die. It’s time to set my thoughts free. Come along with my daily mental adventures and gain insight into warped thinking and it’s hazards and maybe support me along the way.

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