90. Mayday mayday, we’re going down.

I stated the day exhausted and hungover but mood wise I was pretty o.k.  However this past few hours I’ve been spiralling downwards.  I don’t really know why.  I’m feeling the need to self harm and I don’t really know why. I feel like I need to cry but I’m unable to.

I’ve been thinking alot about little man today, and something my mother said this morning; “he’s not walking on his toes anymore”.  I hadn’t noticed he’d been walking on his toes.  Had he really?  I’ve been worrying on and off this past few months that he’s been showing signs of autism and now this comment has sent my head into a whirlwind.  What if I’ve missed something really important, and not asked him to be checked out sooner.  I’ll have to grill family this evening on what he’s saying and doing etc. I’m worried now.  He’s been saying words and then not saying them, but then I haven’t seen him in weeks and when I was at home, let’s be honest he’s been in nursery all day.  I’m an absent, terrible mother.

I hope I’m wrong about this.

Loopy x.

Author: insideloopyshead

On paper I have the perfect life, good career, supportive and loving partner and a beautiful little son. But today I want to die. It’s time to set my thoughts free. Come along with my daily mental adventures and gain insight into warped thinking and it’s hazards and maybe support me along the way.

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