95. Compassionate self.

This is something, I’m going to be working on in therapy. It’s so much easier to be compassionate towards others.  I went into full blown work (student support aspect) mode last night and spent over an hour listening to the woes of another patient in here.  I showed her lots of compassion, so much so that she thanked me for it this morning.

Why is it so difficult to show the same care towards ourselves.  At the moment I hate myself.  I hate the fact that I didn’t pick up on Little man’s potential difficulties sooner. I hate the fact that I’m in hospital not caring for him. I hate the fact that I’m failing as a mother and partner.  I hate the fact that I still feel suicidal.  What kind of selfish horrible person considers ending their life when they have a little man with potential ASD.  Who would fight for him if I were absent?? Not OH, he’d not push for anything.  Grandparents maybe, but he’d have less access to interventions in their countryside upbringing.  My head is so conflicted again.

So lets focus on my homework.  Focus on compassion.  I’ve been given a “developing compassion for yourself” stabilization pack.  I do love when these things are given a good acronym.  In this case; SAFE

So I’m going to be learning to have Sympathy for myself, Acceptance for my differences, Forgiveness for my mistakes and Empathy, in order to understand better my own feelings.

Lets see how this goes.

Loopy x.

Author: insideloopyshead

On paper I have the perfect life, good career, supportive and loving partner and a beautiful little son. But today I want to die. It’s time to set my thoughts free. Come along with my daily mental adventures and gain insight into warped thinking and it’s hazards and maybe support me along the way.

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