I had hoped this milestone of a post would be inspiring and hopeful; and perhaps would even gleefully document my liberation from this place. Sadly that was not to be. This evening has taken somewhat of a downward turn. I’ve been growing increasingly anxious as darkness set in, and this anxiety has led me to binge eat.
Binge eating is an old foe of mine. I did it occasionally before coming to this place. I off course feel disguising afterwards and in an attempt to control this disgust; I have purged. Now let’s be clear, I do not have an eating disorder. I know the long term implications of such behaviours, but in that moment of disgust, it’s hard to think clearly. Is it better than burning?; I don’t know.
I can’t bare to look at myself in the mirror these days. I did go to the gym earlier but the 30 minutes or so that I’m granted will do little to combat the medication induced weight gain.
This is a problem.