100. Wow my 100th post.

I had hoped this milestone of a post would be inspiring and hopeful; and perhaps would even gleefully document my liberation from this place.  Sadly that was not to be.  This evening has taken somewhat of a downward turn.  I’ve been growing increasingly anxious as darkness set in, and this anxiety has led me to binge eat.

Binge eating is an old foe of mine.  I did it occasionally before coming to this place.  I off course feel disguising afterwards and in an attempt to control this disgust; I have purged. Now let’s be clear, I do not have an eating disorder.  I know the long term implications of such behaviours, but in that moment of disgust, it’s hard to think clearly. Is it better than burning?; I don’t know.

I can’t bare to look at myself in the mirror these days.  I did go to the gym earlier but the 30 minutes or so that I’m granted will do little to combat the medication induced weight gain.

This is a problem.

Loopy x.

 

Author: insideloopyshead

On paper I have the perfect life, good career, supportive and loving partner and a beautiful little son. But today I want to die. It’s time to set my thoughts free. Come along with my daily mental adventures and gain insight into warped thinking and it’s hazards and maybe support me along the way.

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