114. Struggling today.

My body is filled with lead today. The weather, grey and weepy, is a good reflection of my mood.  I neglected my son this mornig by staying in bed, even though he was awake in the next room (I threw some toys into his cot, and I could hear him clearly). I’m not fit to be a mother. I just didn’t want to get up.  I’m feeling tired and emotional.  I’ve still had no contact from my family which shows you just how much they appreciate the difficulties of mental ill health. OH is trying (went for blood tests today), but he lacks motivation and drive also.  He’s tired too.

After eventaully dragging myself up, I went to the GP to sort out my meds for the next few days.  They apparently hadn’t recieved my discharge summary, so I had to ring the ward. The familiar voice on the phone was pleasant, caring and upbeat.  I wish I was still in there. How pathetic is that? I’m feeling very alone out here.  The urge to burn is strong today.

It feels inevitable, that I will die by suicide someday.

Take your bike out Loopy, it always cheers you up.

Loopy x.

Author: insideloopyshead

On paper I have the perfect life, good career, supportive and loving partner and a beautiful little son. But today I want to die. It’s time to set my thoughts free. Come along with my daily mental adventures and gain insight into warped thinking and it’s hazards and maybe support me along the way.

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