116. Physically exhausted.

My ears are crackling, my nasal passages are inflamed, my glands are swollen and my body feels heavy and unwieldy.  My mind is fuzzy and everything aches. I’m physically exhausted.

How do you elevate your mood when your body just wants to collapse? I’ve just come back from a short night bike ride.  I really had to force myself to go. It’s the one thing though that I seem to be able to push upon myselft, and it doesn’t put much stain on my aching ankle joint.

It was eerily quiet except for a couple of anglers down along the shore front. It was just me, the sea breeze, the city skyline and my thoughts. My thoughts move a little slower when I’m pumping pedals. I’m no longer able to kick Wilson, which is proving problematic, so I need those few moments of calm that two wheels bring me.

I cried on Mum today.  She finally rang me this morning and I broke down. Nothing has really changed and I’m losing hope.  OH who promised to step up seems less motivated than ever.  I think I’ve broken him too.

We need help.

Loopy x.

bike ride 2

Author: insideloopyshead

On paper I have the perfect life, good career, supportive and loving partner and a beautiful little son. But today I want to die. It’s time to set my thoughts free. Come along with my daily mental adventures and gain insight into warped thinking and it’s hazards and maybe support me along the way.

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