118. Toddler tantrum or sensory meltdown?

Today has been ordinary.  It was my first day at home alone with Little man and in some ways it felt like I was never away. I am thankful for ordinary today. When I (eventaully) got up, I fixed breakfast, dressed Little man, put on a washing, did the dishes, made myself a cup of tea, and basically just fell back into the realities of motherhood.

My CPN came to see me at lunchtime.  I so needed to hear a sensible voice today. It was reassuring and I’m feeling supported which is good. Someone who isn’t pushing me to hurry up and get better.  Someone who listens to me in a non judgemental manner.  I really need that right now, and it’s good to know there’s a friedly voice available on the phone if I need it.

This afternnon I took Little man to the beach.  He loved it, and I did a little too. Things took a bit of downward spiral on our way home though.  He had a full blown meltdown.  My heart raced, my body became tense and uncomfortable and my stress and anxiety came flooding back.  The problem is I don’t know if this is just a difficult toddler tantrum or a sensory meltdown.  He was walking alongside me happily and then BAM!, sits down on ground, starts roaring and is completely inconsolable.  I waited calmly; it didn’t work, I picked him up; it didn’t work, I talked to him softly; it didn’t work, I tried to usher him along; it didn’t work, I hugged him, gave him space, gave him time, but nothing worked.  Eventaully I just had to hoist him over my shoulder and carry him home screaming and flailing around. Peppa pig brought him out of it when we got home.

I really can’t cope with these.  They make me feel inadequate, stressed, annoyed at him, guilty for being annoyed at him and generally just worthless. Also he weights a flipping tonne.

We’re home now though and all is relatively calm again. He’ll hit his usual evening grump stage soon.

Loopy x.

little man

Author: insideloopyshead

On paper I have the perfect life, good career, supportive and loving partner and a beautiful little son. But today I want to die. It’s time to set my thoughts free. Come along with my daily mental adventures and gain insight into warped thinking and it’s hazards and maybe support me along the way.

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