122. Bumps in the road.

I guess I should have expected this.  It’s two steps forward and one step back.  I’ve found today quite challenging.  At 8.00 am little crying sounds penetrated my eardrums; “Please go back to sleep, please please please!”

I really didn’t want to get up today and If I’d had the choice, I would have stayed cocooned in my duvet. With the Little man though, I have no choice. He stirred for a little while and by 9 am, I was up and preparing his breakfast.  I didn’t have the energy today.  It may be a coincidence but often when I’m low, Little man is more difficult. Off course this is partly explained by my inability to cope with normal day to day behaviours, but  sometimes I think he is attuned to my inner demons and when they rise, his quickly follow suit. He tested me today, and I guess I should be thankful that we both survived.

OH arrived home from work around 1. I found him tiresome. As I’ve mentioned before, he is in need of help himself.  We negatively bounce of each other, on days like this.  There is a general feeling of malaise. I tried to persuade him to hit the gym.  I’ve tried everyday since my hospital discharge, and everyday he finds a reason to decline.

I’ve also had trouble organising my medication since leaving hospital. Several phonecalls to the ward, my GP and my CPN have quite frankly stressed me out.  I was finally able to pick up the script this afternoon, only to find, that I’ve been given enough for 7 days.  Only 7 days! I guess when you try to overdose; GP’s become a little more cautious, but the thought of battling against the receptionists and the locums again next week, is enough to send me into a cold sweat.

I’m tired now, really tired, but if the past few nights are anything to go by; it will be a few hours yet before sleep finds me.

On a brighter note; I’m seeing my psychologist tomorrow, who I’m very fond off.

Loopy x.

Author: insideloopyshead

On paper I have the perfect life, good career, supportive and loving partner and a beautiful little son. But today I want to die. It’s time to set my thoughts free. Come along with my daily mental adventures and gain insight into warped thinking and it’s hazards and maybe support me along the way.

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