I guess I should have expected this. It’s two steps forward and one step back. I’ve found today quite challenging. At 8.00 am little crying sounds penetrated my eardrums; “Please go back to sleep, please please please!”
I really didn’t want to get up today and If I’d had the choice, I would have stayed cocooned in my duvet. With the Little man though, I have no choice. He stirred for a little while and by 9 am, I was up and preparing his breakfast. I didn’t have the energy today. It may be a coincidence but often when I’m low, Little man is more difficult. Off course this is partly explained by my inability to cope with normal day to day behaviours, but sometimes I think he is attuned to my inner demons and when they rise, his quickly follow suit. He tested me today, and I guess I should be thankful that we both survived.
OH arrived home from work around 1. I found him tiresome. As I’ve mentioned before, he is in need of help himself. We negatively bounce of each other, on days like this. There is a general feeling of malaise. I tried to persuade him to hit the gym. I’ve tried everyday since my hospital discharge, and everyday he finds a reason to decline.
I’ve also had trouble organising my medication since leaving hospital. Several phonecalls to the ward, my GP and my CPN have quite frankly stressed me out. I was finally able to pick up the script this afternoon, only to find, that I’ve been given enough for 7 days. Only 7 days! I guess when you try to overdose; GP’s become a little more cautious, but the thought of battling against the receptionists and the locums again next week, is enough to send me into a cold sweat.
I’m tired now, really tired, but if the past few nights are anything to go by; it will be a few hours yet before sleep finds me.
On a brighter note; I’m seeing my psychologist tomorrow, who I’m very fond off.
Loopy x.
What really happens in somones head? 