My suicidal thoughts are stong today. I’ve thought about pulling my bike out into traffic. I’ve thought about ordering more pills. I’ve thought about hanging from my dressing gown cord. I’ve pictured Little mans life without me in it. He’s happier, has more fun and is surrounded by love.
I can’t stand him sometimes. I don’t deserve him.
I need to talk to someone, but I can’t talk to OH, and I can’t phone anyone either with him in the next room. I need some space but I never really get it. All I’ve done is eat.
I had a letter today from occupational health offering me an appointment. I can’t deal with that right now. I can’t face it.
I just want to give up. I’m pathetic.