125. I hate my life.

My suicidal thoughts are stong today.  I’ve thought about pulling my bike out into traffic.  I’ve thought about ordering more pills.  I’ve thought about hanging from my dressing gown cord. I’ve pictured Little mans life without me in it. He’s happier, has more fun and is surrounded by love.

I can’t stand him sometimes.  I don’t deserve him.

I need to talk to someone, but I can’t talk to OH, and I can’t phone anyone either with him in the next room. I need some space but I never really get it. All I’ve done is eat.

I had a letter today from occupational health offering me an appointment.  I can’t deal with that right now. I can’t face it.

I just want to give up. I’m pathetic.

Loopy x.

Author: insideloopyshead

On paper I have the perfect life, good career, supportive and loving partner and a beautiful little son. But today I want to die. It’s time to set my thoughts free. Come along with my daily mental adventures and gain insight into warped thinking and it’s hazards and maybe support me along the way. View all posts by insideloopyshead