137. Hello old friend (or foe?).

Shortly after yesterdays blog, I succumbed to the calls from my old friend (or foe).  It blistered almost immediately. On the psych ward I only had access to boiling water, so the wounds weren’t so bad. Now that I’m home with my usual means, this could get out off hand again.  I had psychology today, but I didn’t tell her.  I guess I’m ashamed.

This weekend is going to be tough.  I’m home alone for the first time since attempting to end my life. I’m a little weary.  My head doesn’t do so good when I’m alone. My psycholgoist armed me with a list of numbers to call, if I’m distressed. Does that mean she doesn’t have much faith in me either? I’m seeing her again on Monday though which is good.

I’ll end this on a postive note.  I’m just back from the gym.  I achieved a PB in a 2000 m row on a Concept 2 Rower. 10 mins 22 seconds which admittidely is still quite slow but when I started 3 weeks ago it took me 11 mins 23 sec.  I’d love to hear your times if you’ve done it.  Lifes not about getting there fast, it’s just about getting there.

I didn’t want to go to the gym, but I made myself.  I’m practising being compassionate which isn’t just about being nice all the time, it’s also about giving yourself a good talking to when you need it. I’m glad I went.

Loopy x.

 

 

Author: insideloopyshead

On paper I have the perfect life, good career, supportive and loving partner and a beautiful little son. But today I want to die. It’s time to set my thoughts free. Come along with my daily mental adventures and gain insight into warped thinking and it’s hazards and maybe support me along the way.

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