For this weeks psychology homework, I’ve been tasked with writing a compassionate letter to myself. The last time I sat and wrote a hand written letter was when I penned my suicide note on August 3rd. That in itself made this feel a little difficult.
I did give it a go, but I found this really tough. The perfectionist in me wanted to plan it out, write it logically with good flow and appropriate paragraghs, but the advice given on the homework sheet was to just let it flow. I’m not a let it flow kind of person. I feel like I’ve failed at this although I guess it will just take practice. When I’ve written one I’m happy with I will share it with you all. I have a psychology session tomorrow and I’m not sure I’m even comfortable sharing it with her.
I ended the letter with “you need to stop binging”. I’m struggling with food at the moment. Even though I’m hitting the gym regularly the numbers on the scale keep rising. I hate my fat disugusting body, which paradoxically makes me binge………….and then I purge…. I’m at a loss here. It must be the meds, and I can’t stop those. I really don’t know how to control this.