169. Flashbacks.

I headed off at dusk, light rain in my face, a chill that called for gloves and my headlight dipped. It’s been a while since I’ve whirred a chain, and whizzed along the sea front.

It started well, but soon flashes of fiery red curly hair surrounding tear filled tired eyes, interupted the focus of my beam ahead. She was just too young to fully understand, but just old enough to know that Daddy’s never coming home.

Each wave crashing on the rocks, echoed the slapping of a deadly calm sea disturbed only by the racing of a RIB for shore. Emergency services lay in waiting, but it would be too late.

The men shouted at me to gaze forwards and watch for bouys, it wasn’t until some years later that I realised this was an attempt to save the innocence of a young girl who’d not long graduated from childhood. It was too late though, I’d seen it all.

Come on Loopy, shake it off, focus on the path ahead. Switching to full beam as darkness settled, intensified the darkness in my head. Every turning of the crank brought images off those oxygen starved blue lips and grown men fighting back tears as they pounded on a water filled chest.

I’m so sorry. I could have, and should have done more.

I love the sea………..and I hate it!!!

Loopy x.

Author: insideloopyshead

On paper I have the perfect life, good career, supportive and loving partner and a beautiful little son. But today I want to die. It’s time to set my thoughts free. Come along with my daily mental adventures and gain insight into warped thinking and it’s hazards and maybe support me along the way.

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