186. New years hell.

I should have guessed new years eve would be hell. I hate coming home and nights like this solidify my reluctance.

It started with a simple invite. My aunt invited me up for drinks and nibbles to see in the new year. She did not invite my sister who was sat with us at the time. My mum was not quick enough to ask my sister to stay up with her and BANG!!!!

She grabbed her kids, stormed home and 2 minutes later I got the call; fuck you loopy!! FUCK YOU for ruining my new years eve!!

She rang her partner to dump him, locked all the doors in her house, screamed at her kids to come away from the windows and threatened to drink herself into a coma.

Her partner arrived a little later and we eventually got in, but I’ve never seen such rage and venum spit as she listed all the ways that we have wronged her, listed all the reasons that she hates us and we left as she began to throw keys and glass at her partner.

The saddest thing was seeing her young daughter in floods of tears trying to make sense of everything and us not being allowed to comfort her.

My sister has a mental illness that she refuses to accept or own.

I want to flee here now, never to come back. I can’t watch my mum and dad in floods of tears as my sister threatens to take her kids away forever. I can’t cope with the instability and the chaos.

I don’t want to be here anymore.

Loopy x

Author: insideloopyshead

On paper I have the perfect life, good career, supportive and loving partner and a beautiful little son. But today I want to die. It’s time to set my thoughts free. Come along with my daily mental adventures and gain insight into warped thinking and it’s hazards and maybe support me along the way.

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