Literally!!! Today I was bombarded with question after question. Today’s practical was on nerve action potentials. It was simulator based Tiny laptop screens, with an unfamiliar programme and the glare off bright sunlight bathing the lab.
It was too much too soon. Nothing quite knocks your confidence like the inability to field questions from 2nd years.
“I’m sorry, I don’t usually run this; can you ask T? I felt incompetent, insecure and fragile.
I ran! Left T and demonstrators to it, with no explanation or curtious good bye. Tears ran down my face uncontrollably at my desk. What the hell is wrong with me?????
Worse still I was discovered by a colleague. She was kind, but all I wanted to do, was ring for help. Ring to hear a calm voice at the other end of the line. A voice that’s used to dealing with meldowns. A voice that knows my story.
But she wouldn’t leave!!!!
Tonight I’ve got that horrible defeated feeling in my gut. Some people are meant to live until old age. Other’s, well others should know when to give up.
But I’ve got a little boy ….. . …