288. Little man.

The last time I saw my little man in the flesh, was as I waved goodbye to him at the psych hospital door. It has been 11 weeks and although I’ve face timed him, I’m not sure how he will receive me tomorrow.

I can’t wait to hug him, and tell him that I love him, but I’m also terrified that our bond is irreparably broken.

I feel like I abandoned him (again). I feel like he was happy during my absence and thus would be better off without unstable me in his life. I feel so much guilt, for almost leaving him permanently during my last dumb overdose. I really could have died, and yet sitting here now waiting for what tomorrow will bring, I’m craving sleeping pills, or self harm, or………. something to stop my racing head. I need better coping mechanisms. I need help.

My little man deserves a better mum. I hope, with all my heart that I can be just that…….

What if I fail again?

Loopy x.

Author: insideloopyshead

On paper I have the perfect life, good career, supportive and loving partner and a beautiful little son. But today I want to die. It’s time to set my thoughts free. Come along with my daily mental adventures and gain insight into warped thinking and it’s hazards and maybe support me along the way.

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