Let’s be honest, moving home was never going to be some miraculous cure, some magic spell that cures me off my demons. I’d hoped however that it would improve my support system, improve my feelings off isolation and provide me with a sense of belonging. It hasn’t worked. Today I cried uncontrollably. I’m not coping, nor am I getting any respite or independence.
Today I wanted to retreat to the garage, and end it once and for all. My little stash of propranolol was crying out to be consumed. I even rang my new CPN, but she wasn’t available and by the time she returned my call, I couldn’t talk. I have no space here to express my emotions, no space to talk confidentially, no frigging space to ease my distress with self harm. To top it all off, I’m really missing C. I wanted to phone C, I want to see C, I need C. This new CMHT are not as good.
I hate it here today.