379. Dad

My sister has phoned me several times this past few days.  She’s not allowed to ring me; “don’t dare tell mum, she’ll kill me” 

Apparently I’m too fragile to cope with this, but as fucked up my relationship with big sis is can be… come on we’re sisters, so we tell each other (almost) everything…..

It turns out that Dad is really depressed, proper won’t get out of bed, won’t talk, won’t lift his head from his hands depressed.  And mum, well, mum is in denial, or incapable of doing anything supportive.  She’ll be angry at him and will interrogate with the venum of a python, and he will shut down, and wimpwr like captured prey.  The tension (the same tension that filled our childhoods) will be palpable, as they sit in separate rooms, refusing as always to support each other, show love for each other, or ffs learn a way to tolerate each other.

Myself and sis are scared.  Twice this week dad has driven off for hours, and he confessed that ” he doesn’t get on with anyone anymore”  He’s feeling suicidal, but I’m not supposed to know. 

He’s had lows before, that sis and I picked up on, but they’d usually resolve with a little time. He’s prone to fall8ng out with ppl and when he does, he doesn’t cope well. But this episode is much more serious. Something is wrong but he won’t say what.

How do I help him, or help mum to help him, if I’m not supposed to know.  This is my family ladies and gentlemen.  No communication, no acceptance that sis and I are adults that could help, but most off all…. No no no NO to disclosure, “oh my god what would everybody think of us?” 

Loopy x.

Author: insideloopyshead

On paper I have the perfect life, good career, supportive and loving partner and a beautiful little son. But today I want to die. It’s time to set my thoughts free. Come along with my daily mental adventures and gain insight into warped thinking and it’s hazards and maybe support me along the way.

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