405. Hello buddy.

I’m still on a psych ward. I’m still feeling suicidal and I’m still struggling with facing up to all my little demons.

Covid 19 has been tough on me, with no visits allowed.  I’ve not held or played with little man in weeks.  I feel so guilty for dumping him again.  I feel so scared about mapping out a future that will not damage him.  Some days I doubt my love foe him.  Some days I want to give him back, but everyday from in here i face time with hum.

“Hello buddy” 

And I do it because I want him to know I love him, and that I’m trying to be better for him. 

There is a long and difficult path ahead for us as a little family.  It’s one tonight, that I want to run from.  I want to ligature, but no loopy, not tonight.  Fight for your little man.  Fight for what could be fun fullfilling future for you all.

Come on Loopy, no more “setbacks” please.

Loopy x

Author: insideloopyshead

On paper I have the perfect life, good career, supportive and loving partner and a beautiful little son. But today I want to die. It’s time to set my thoughts free. Come along with my daily mental adventures and gain insight into warped thinking and it’s hazards and maybe support me along the way. View all posts by insideloopyshead