461. New Years resolutions.

1. Lose weight. I’m going to do it as soon as I can. I’ve bought more Orlistat, I’m desperately trying to get my hands on saxenda, and today I went back on my bike. I feel grotesque, a beached whale, a fat ugly rolley polley.

My first attempt at getting Saxenda failed. Stupid Loopy, you’re fake BMI was too low. Rookie error. My 2nd attempt- well I’m still waiting on the outcome. Fingers crossed. It’s funny, when I was doing my PhD I used to joke that we should all be taking GLP-1 agonists, which is what Saxenda is. They make you feel fuller, delay gastric emptying and have been shown to aid weight loss. Typically used to treat diabetes but now also approved for weight loss in morbidly obese individuals.

Next resolution. Self harm more. Yup I know how ridiculous that sounds. I should be trying the opposite, but /I’m stressed and it calms me. I have this mad craving to use a clothes iron. I’ve been fighting the urge for weeks now, sticking with the straighteners, but I don’t think I’ll be able to relax if I don’t try it. I can’t make sense of these urges at the minute, but they’re showing no signs of easing.

Next one- no hospital admissions in 2021. This past few years I’ve been in and out of psychiatric wards, and to be honest, at the moment I wish I was back in. That’s usually a sign that 1. I don’t actually need to be in, and 2. A sign that my stress and feelings of being overwhelmed are growing. But stay out this year Loopy. You need to stay out.

Last one for now- try to talk more with your key worker. Seek out more counselling and oh this is a big one- share your food struggles with OH.

That’s it for now folks. A mixed bag /I’d say.

Loopy x

Author: insideloopyshead

On paper I have the perfect life, good career, supportive and loving partner and a beautiful little son. But today I want to die. It’s time to set my thoughts free. Come along with my daily mental adventures and gain insight into warped thinking and it’s hazards and maybe support me along the way.

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