506. Gambling

I’m very numb. Emotionally yes I’m better, no 6 ft under lows, or cloud 9 highs For someone who supposedly only lives in black and white, all I see now is grey

It’s a weird state of mind. I think it’s my meds still doing their thing, but I need more joy. I thought a new car would gimme a buzz, but we picked it up.on Friday, and I just felt.. …. nothing really.

Problem here is, I think I’m grasping for a buzz, for some sort of instant joy, or just something!!! So I’m pretty compulsively gambling, and shopping. Wasting far too much cash and I can see it getting out of control.

Seriously need to nip.this on the bud.

Loopy x

Author: insideloopyshead

On paper I have the perfect life, good career, supportive and loving partner and a beautiful little son. But today I want to die. It’s time to set my thoughts free. Come along with my daily mental adventures and gain insight into warped thinking and it’s hazards and maybe support me along the way.

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