Category: gym

380 the lighter I get…..

The fatter I feel.  I look down on my grotesque lump of a mid rift and I shudder.  The number on the scale is going down excrutiatingly slowly, but I dont believe it anyway.

I’m fat, outta shape and ugly., and let’s be honest, I’m a drug addict. 

I’m getting no help over here, and I have no one to talk too

I’m struggling to keep afloat.  Today i purged at work, AT WORK and again after dinner at home. I then hit the gym already exhausted but the usuál mantra of run fatty run overode all my senses, so I ran.

!The crash is coming. I’m losing control. My chest is tight and I’m often oddly breathless.

I need help

Loopy x

378. Still nauseous.

A few days ago, I blamed this on drug withdrawal, but I was wrong. I’ve since recieved my correct meds, but the nausea has persisted.

My little jaunt to the gym today hasn’t helped   I’ve not worked out in days, it was worrying me.  So today, I pushed through the feelings of sickness, lightheadedness, and utter fatigue

JUST 10 MORE Kcal LOOPY, COME ON FATTTY; 10 MORE!!!! So 10 became 100, and then 150, and then 300.  I was in no fit state for this, but in the war between my body, and my mind….my mind won out.

Now home, I’m wondering is it just a mundane bug that will run it’s course soon, or is it much more serious.  I’m catastrophising, but I’m on a heck off a lot of pills; some prescribed, and some not  Are my liver, pancreas or my kidneys crying out for help.

The scales, by the way have finally dipped below 57kg.  56.9 to be precise, but is this actually a win, or is my body slowly giving up.

Loopy x

366. My teeth hurt

They’ve definitely yellowed, and look bad. I’m afraid to smile now. I’m so ashamed. Then add to this my new found general achiness and sensitivity.

Come on Loopy, start wising up!!you are ruining your teeth

Irregardless the urges to purge keep coming. They now sneak up on me at work, an escalation of the severity of things. It’s hard to hide the stench of puke at work.

Eating now makes my tummy bloated and sore. There’s one quick cure for that, and it works. It does reduce the discomfort and the expulsion of the calories soothes my head a little…..that is until the food cravings come again with gusto.

OH is oblivious to this particular struggle. I’m too ashamed to tell him

Loopy x

364, Muffin tops and camel toes.

It’s the new year and for many off us, that means RESOLUTIONS. Most of these will centre around health and fitness goals.

That can only mean one thing. Crowds of women flocking to gyms, squeezed into lycra. Don’t get me wrong, I admire their gusto. Today I sweat amongst them. But OH dear Lord!! I wish this lycra fad would end. I’m blind as a bat, but even my eyes gasped at the muffin tops and camel toes!!! I dread to think what someone with 20/20 vision would be subjected to.. Having said that, keep it up ladies, may 2020 bring you fitness and good health.

I’m starting the year at 59.15 kg. It’s a figure that does not sit well with me. I’m sporting muffin tops off my own. I feel grotesque. I can sense a working out frenzy coming. I don’t do things by half, it’s not in my black and white nature.

Let’s hope I can stay in control. Gym sessions, will at least, reduce my need to purge.

Loopy x