What really happens in somones head?
Admission to a psych hospital and beyond; my personal depression experience.
I’m not a girly girl. You’re more likely to find me kicking a ball, wrestling MMA style with OH, or playing with little man’s toy trucks……but tonight?????
OH my word, I’m searching frantically for bags!! Tote bags, small bags, printy bags; kipling, Michael kors, Burberry and every high street I can think off.
My new job is awakening my inner diva!!!
Day 1 is fast approaching and I must strutt in with style……
Loopy x
I’m in shock to be honest. I’ve just had a phone call from the occi health department of my new employer.
“The physician had a look at your forms, and is happy to sign you off as fit”
Really? You don’t even want to see me?
I declared my mental ill health on the forms and have been worried, really worried that they’d withdraw my job offer. But no, I’ve been given the all clear.
I intend to pay for private therapy. I intend to book regular massages and other enjoyable treats.
This is my fresh start. Do it right loopy, look after yourself.
Loopy x
I’ve just read my last post, and it’s hard to imagine that’s how I felt just days ago. Switching from utter despair to my present uplifted buoyancy is exhausting, but the good days keep me afloat.
Yesterday was a good day, a great day in fact. I went to meet my new boss, and I had a tour of where I’ll be working. Everyone was so friendly and welcoming. It was really really nice to feel that sense of professional loopy again.
I finished off last night with an endorphin boosting gym session.
I’ve not yet been cleared to start by Occi Health but I’m a little more hopeful.
Loopy x
My anxiety levels are through the roof. I’ve been offered my dream job, but I fear it shall be snatched away from me.
The medical questionnaire was very in depth. If I lied too much, I could be easily caught out. I fear I’ve spilled too much. I fear the prejudices and stigma around mental health will come to the fore and rob me off my future.
I can’t bear it. Best case scenario I’m pulled into Occi Health for an assessment. Worse case……..well…………….
If I lose it now, I’ll be more than crushed.
I should have lied!!!
Loopy x
This morning I got the call; “We were impressed, we’d like to offer you the job” I couldn’t believe it! How on earth have I just managed to get a senior lecturer position!!! Will I cope??? F$%k it, I must at least try.
OH started his new job today. His fortunes weren’t so good. He hates it. Not just new starter nerves, but a genuine, depression inducing, cannot do this a minute longer hatred. I felt so sorry for him this evening. In truth I could see it coming. He showed no enthusiasm during his training, and zero excitement at the prospect of starting. He’ll likely quit tomorrow; and he has my full support in that.
It’s been an odd day.
Loopy x
Yesterday I had an interview. 3 questions where quite tough but the first, well the first should have been a shoe in.
“Tell us about your teaching experienxe”
I’ve been lecturing for 6 years. I’ve covered all the bases of designing and delivering a curriculum. I should have hit this one out of the park…..
But no! I was a bumbling idiot who could barely string a sentence together. I really don’t know what happened. I just froze.
I’m so angry at myself!!!!I have another interview for a different place in just over a weeks time. I hope I can find some of my lost bravado by then….
Loopy x
It’s pretty much 12am and I’m just heading for bed. I’ve been preparing a PowerPoint presentation, that must be submitted by tomorrow. “How would you embed employability into the science cirriculum?. It’s for my “dream job” at a top UK Russell group uni, yet my hearts not in it. Why is my heart not in it?
I’ve completed the slides, and will send them off by the deadline tomorrow. But I really must summon some enthusiasm before the actual interview/interrogation on the 31st of this month.
I must also prepare for a phone interview this Friday at another university for a part time, working from home gig. I have no enthusiasm for that either. What the hell is wrong with me??!!
On a side note, I think I should set up a CV consultancy business. I’m very good (near 100% success) at landing interviews!!!
Loopy x
What really happens in somones head? 