My site was down and I had no idea. I was wondering why Iād been having no views. Was just about to quit writing, but itās now sorted.
I donāt really blog for others, itās a personal mental space for me to express my thoughts safely and anonymously. But not having readers, felt disappointing. I donāt know why. I guess you lot are my sounding board and it only works if I feel Iām being heard. It doesnāt matter who, just someone.
So now fixed, I shall continue.
Biggest thought today, is that I need to increase my Saxenda dose. Iāve started walking, but itās not enough. Iām fat and need to fix it.
Iām also in a constant state of really wanting to end my life. But I donāt want to hurt anybody. When Iām out walking, I think go on Loopy, jump in front off a car. At least that might look like an accident. When I get home again, I think off the driver, the potential impact that could have, but if my family thought I died from an accident, would it be any easier on them?
Jumping in front off cars is no easy feat, I bottle it every time. Drug overdoses are easier, but not guaranteed. Hanging is really affective, but again I bottle it. Does that mean I donāt want to die? What the hell does all this mean?
Iām tired now, iām always tired.
Loopy x