Category: murder

490. It could have been me.

I blogged some time back about a nurse who tragically killed her 3 children but failed in her own suicide attempt. This week she was found not guilty, by reason of insanity.

I’ve heard people scorn; ‘you just don’t harm your kids!!’

My neighbour came out outraged until she sized up my view. See here’s the thing. It’s a scary and a sad truth but…..that could have been me.

This poor woman hated herself, and was convinced she was an awful mother, damaging her kids beyond hope. She feared that her illness had sentenced them to a life of mystery. I’ve had those very same feelings towards little man.

This mother knew in her own mind that her children would be better off dead. Such is the harsh reality of mental ill health and delusions. I at one point also knew that little man would be better off dead. How scary is that?

I’m lucky though, somewhere in my head, despite the constant barrage of self hatred , despite the constant attacks on my abilities, and the constant fears for little man, I knew from some tiny nugget of logic that my thoughts were irrational. I knew something was wrong and that healthy people don’t feel like this. I knew I needed help.

By all accounts this poor woman had also reached out for help. She expressed some scary thoughts to professionals. She tried in my view, to manage things.

Like me though, she hid it all from her OH. I know why she did that, it’s the reason I do it too. She felt ashamed, ashamed of her condition and her thoughts. She probably felt he wouldn’t understand and that he might even hate her. She probably also wanted to hide that fact that she was a horrible person. Yes in her head this was fact!

I personally have no doubt that she went insane. I feel so so sorry for her, her husband and those 3 beautiful kids. I hope she gets the help she needs to somehow live with this. I hope lessons have been learned by those professionals who had treated her. I hope that those who now hate her, can somehow forgive her.

But most of all I hope I never have those thoughts again, and that if I do, I’ll find the strength to reach out. I hope that the little nugget of logic that saved me before, saved us before, saves us again.

Loopy x

367. Murder.

I wonder what it feels like……to murder. Don’t worry folks, this is not some declaration of descent into psychopathy, but it is on my mind.

Irish media reports at the moment are filled with the tragic discovery of a 17 year old boy. This however was not some standard stabbing, or scuffle that got out of hand. It was the brutal dismemberment of a young man’s body, limbs discovered in a duffle bag, head discovered in a burnt out car, and a torso, to my knowledge, yet to be reclaimed.

I can kind off understand crimes of passion, emotions running high as the red mist decends. I can empathise with murder caused in self defence. Crime lords whacking people with a gun shot, to assert authority, is off course ethically questionable but still, in a sense humane.

This however was something else. A drugs feud that has resulted in unspeakable horror. It was calculated, planned, ordered by some high almighty, but the brutality beggars belief.

How can someone inflict such torture on another human being? What sort of twisted mindset enables you to carry on, as your victim begs for their life, roaring in unimaginable pain. How can they possibly live with themselves knowing what they have done?

He was a child. A young lad on the cusp of adulthood, who found himself amongst thugs, who probably revelled a little in having wads of cash.

But ultimately he was someone’s “little man” I’m shocked..

Loopy x