Everytime I see one, I think of L. L was my first ever CPN, and the arrival of her juke onto my driveway always brought just a little light into those darkest days.
I will never forget the day she offered to watch little man, so I could have a shower. I was a wreck, a mess, and probably stunk. Even though I refused, I felt cared for, I felt that I mattered to someone. She often, made me feel better
I miss her terribly, more than anyone else that was involved with my care. I’ve been thinking about her all day. I have so much to tell my new CPN, but I can’t. I’d give anything to talk to L.
The crisis team stole her from me about a yeat ago, but she’d talked about re-trainong as a counsellor or therapist. I wonder where she’s working now? I wonder how she’s doing? i wonder does she still drive a juke?
I wonder would she consider relocating, to be my CPN again??????
God I miss her……..
Loopy x
Tag: CPN
363. Secondary services.
Today my GP insisted on a referral to secondary services The services that I’m already under the care off. It was a little bizarre, but an hour later I was called by my CPN.
The service here is rather crap. I used to have weekly appointments, a very kind ear on the phone and someone with whom I felt comfortable confiding in. God I miss C! (and L for that matter). I’d give anything to hear their reassuring voices again. They really cared, or at least it felt like they did.
Now I’m in a system that doesn’t seem to care I’m struggling, but I don’t think I’ll get much help here.
Back to work on Monday and I’m dreading it, but maybe it will help.
Loopy x
340. An unanswered email, update
In my previous post, I’d feared an email to my previous CPN had been missed, or worse; ignored. I was (as usual) a little quick to judge.
I should have known C wouldn’t let me down. Today I recieved a mail, that has made my week. It was an email full of warmth and encouragement. It was an email that in truth has made me miss her a little bit more, but it’s one that I will treasure.
It’s a mail that I will no doubt read from time to time when I need cheeing up. It means alot to me.
Loopy x
339. An unanswered email.
I emailed C yesterday. C was my care coordinator just before, during and after my last hospital admission. I miss her terribly. Since moving home, my new team have been pretty dire. Very nice, but I’ve been promised a psychology referral since early July and they still haven’t done it. I have the same conversation over and over again, but I’m getting no support or care.
This would never happen with C. When she told me she would do something, she would do it. She made me feel properly “listened” to. She made me feel less alone.
I probably stepped over a boundary emailing her. I’ve been desperate to call her, but I’m no longer her responsibility and I guess, i thought a little email would be less intrusive. I’ll never know, if she actually saw it, or read it.
I’ve had no reply, and I’m gutted. This is most likely my BPD at work. I become reliant on people and when they’re gone, I miss them way more than I probably should.
I really really really miss her and I’m feeling lost without her
I guess I just need to learn to deal with it.
Loopy x
299. Can I take her with me?
Today I had my last appointment with my current CPN. C has been absolutely fantastic this past few months and I’m very sad to be losing her.
She has organised my transfer of care and given me copies of all the necessary paperwork. I actually have an appointment with my new CMHT next Monday. God I hope they’re as good as my current one.
I really wish I could take C with me.
Loopy x
What really happens in somones head? 