Tag: dependence

499. A truck load

I’ve not really been sleeping and it was starting to reach crisis point. My psych consultant offered sleeping pills. I was shocked!

Long term followers will know that I previously battled a zopiclone addiction. I was buying it online, consuming 4,5,6,7………. pills at a time.

I was longing for addiction help, but it never came. I did it on my own. I quit. Stopped searching for them stopped buying them and to some extent stopped craving them.

The truth is you never really get completely over an addiction. You battle with it. Want to turn to it when you’re down, angry, lost and tired.

My psych offered me zopiclone. I said no. How about zolpidem? I reluctantly said yes.

The pills sat untouched on my dresser for a few nights. I was scared to take them………..then I did

I love that feeling, need that feeling, want more of that feeling! Now I’m scared for when the prescription will end.

I’m looking online, I’m craving them. I want to take a box full. I want to buy a truck load!!!

I need them!!!!!

Damn it loopy!!!!

Damn it psych!!!!!

Loopy x

375. The wrong meds.

At my last psych review I half heartedly agreed to change meds.  I’d slowly reduce the venlafaxine and start sertraline (keeping the quietiapine and mirtazapine).

I’d had some success with sertraline during my uni days, but then with a little time to reflect; I remembered the weight gain!!! I frantically called my CPN.  “N we can’t change the meds, I won’t take them!”

Our pharmacy, who to be honest, have been struggling to keep track of my meds off late, have now dispensed the wrong ones.  So tonight I have no quietiapine or mirtazapine.  I’m freaking out, stupidly, freaking out!!!! How will I sleep???? What will I do???

As readers you may guess the answer to that one.  I’m a wreck, and no one’s really noticed.

Loopy x

363. Secondary services.

Today my GP insisted on a referral to secondary services The services that I’m already under the care off. It was a little bizarre, but an hour later I was called by my CPN.

The service here is rather crap. I used to have weekly appointments, a very kind ear on the phone and someone with whom I felt comfortable confiding in. God I miss C! (and L for that matter). I’d give anything to hear their reassuring voices again. They really cared, or at least it felt like they did.

Now I’m in a system that doesn’t seem to care I’m struggling, but I don’t think I’ll get much help here.

Back to work on Monday and I’m dreading it, but maybe it will help.

Loopy x

351. In the bus station.

Talking about your zopiclone addiction with a GP is never easy. Trying to do it over the phone in a busy bus station, certainly made it tougher. I wish they’d called me earlier.

So this week my CPN called my GP to discuss my reliance on sleeping pills. He promptly suggested 7.5mg for 1 week and then 3.75mg for a week, then stop. She agreed, not knowing my current usage. She agreed, having no real clue, what’s going on with me. I pretty promptly had to call them direct.

Hence the akward phonecall. A lovely GP called me, and we agreed a more realustuc plan. But she insisted I come in, whuch has been arranged for next week, with a not so lovely GP. I’m dreading it.

For now, Im getting 7.5mg and 3.75ng daily, dispensed every 2 days.

The change in regulations, governing online pharmacies in the UK is a good thing. But my addicted brain, is screaming at me to find a drug dealer. I’m not ready to taper off. I’m not ready to give them up.

Loopy x