What really happens in somones head?
Admission to a psych hospital and beyond; my personal depression experience.
I’m building again. I’d been looking at mud kitchens for little man before.
Today, I’ve gone ahead and built one.. It’s not quite finished, but he seems to like it.
Now loopy, focus on your actual job for a few days. No more excuses!!
Loopy x
we made it………
I had little man all day, whilst Daddy went to work. Our first real time together since I’ve come out off hospital.
It was a difficult day, but also one I’m proud off. I shed some tears, almost called the ward for help, almost called granny to say I couldn’t cope, but then the emotional wave passed and I perserveered.
My conclusion though is that my main issue is 100% untreated postnatal depression and recovery from that needs to be my main focus.
The meds will not solve anything and the self esteem issues and self hatred will hopefully ease if I can just get the right help.
I hope little man had no idea. I hope I’m not damaging him. I hope he knows that i do Iove him and i hope I can beat this.
Loopy x
This one’s a little personal…
OH has always affectionately described me as “all hands”, me having the greatest our sex drives. This past year however I’ve lost my mojo, and we’ve lost our ability to connect.
Here’s the thing about depression. It robs you!! It robs you of your confidence and your energy. It robs you of your libido and your lust. It robs you off your desires and it damages your relationships.
Last night OH and I slept in my teenage bedroom. Pictures of us in our early days, full of hope and love hung selotaped to my bedroom door. Mum and Dad slept below us, mums snoring penetrating the floor boards. The old wooden bed creaked under every subtle movement, as it always did.
All off a sudden a little magic took over. We where young again, feeling the lust and excitment that embodied those two younger selves on my door. We were michevious and a little thrilled, trying desparatly not to be heard. We where in love again!!!
To be so close and intimate reminded us both of what we had, and what we must work to have again. Sex has the ability to cast off the shackles of depression. It has the ability to flood our bodies with amazing senses and our minds with an overwhelming sense of wellness.
Trust me everything, have more sex!!! There is just a little more spring in my step today 🙂
Loopy x
Today I went into work, for what was supposed to be my final time.
It was a day full of saddness and shock as myself and colleagues learned that one of our own sadly passed away last night.
The mood was understandibly low as everyone tried to process the news. She was in charge of all our labs. She was the go to person if we had issues with our practical classes, but more than this, she was a really really nice lady who has been taken far too soon.
The teaching labs will never be the same again. It really hit me though that she has left behind a grieving family. A family that would give anything to spend more time with her.
I sway back and forth on the positives and negatives of us moving back home. Today I’m grateful that I’ve resigned. I’m grateful that myself, OH and little man will spend more time with our families.
That’s what life is really about isn’t it? On our death beds, none of us will be wishing that we worked more!!!! Call the ones you love today, because tomorrow they might not be here…..
Loopy x
What really happens in somones head? 