Today was my first day alone with little man (since our move home) as OH began his new job. Grandparents were also away, so it was a true test of my abilities.
I’m very very relieved, to report that we had fun. His tantrums didn’t rock me and his smiles and laughter filled my heart with joy.
Today was a good mood dat, and on those days I’m in control, I’m confident and I’m fun. I only wish that every day could be a good mood day.
OH has been moody all day. He dropped his parents at the airport this morning, and since then he’s shut down.
Here’s what I think. I think his parents took this opportunity to grill him on how useless I am. I think they’ve noticed that I’ve not been pulling my weight lately. I think they’ve asked him to really consider our relationship. I think they’ve presented him with better options.
I think they hate me, and why wouldn’t they?
This one’s a little personal…
OH has always affectionately described me as “all hands”, me having the greatest our sex drives. This past year however I’ve lost my mojo, and we’ve lost our ability to connect.
Here’s the thing about depression. It robs you!! It robs you of your confidence and your energy. It robs you of your libido and your lust. It robs you off your desires and it damages your relationships.
Last night OH and I slept in my teenage bedroom. Pictures of us in our early days, full of hope and love hung selotaped to my bedroom door. Mum and Dad slept below us, mums snoring penetrating the floor boards. The old wooden bed creaked under every subtle movement, as it always did.
All off a sudden a little magic took over. We where young again, feeling the lust and excitment that embodied those two younger selves on my door. We were michevious and a little thrilled, trying desparatly not to be heard. We where in love again!!!
To be so close and intimate reminded us both of what we had, and what we must work to have again. Sex has the ability to cast off the shackles of depression. It has the ability to flood our bodies with amazing senses and our minds with an overwhelming sense of wellness.
Trust me everything, have more sex!!! There is just a little more spring in my step today 🙂
Thanks for that little question sis. I couldn’t believe it as those words poured from her lips. She’s knows I’m on a list of meds as long as my arm and hence would not be getting pregnant. She knows that I’m self conscious about my weight. Surely she knows better…
Well at least those words have confirmed what I already know; I’m a fat ugly mess!!!
I want to burn deep tonight. I want to swallow sleeping pills, not to die, but to dull my racing thoughts and self hatred.
I want to hit the gym!
We’re in the throws of the terrible two’s. Little man has my temper, coupled with OH’s stubberness. This makes for an explosive cocktail!
We’ve been good so far on the united parenting front. When we say no, we mean no!!! Little man is certainly testing the boundaries; throwing himself on the floor, squealing and shrieking like something possessed and ultimately testing my patience to it’s limits.
We’ve been good though, no raised voices or shouting. We just calmly stand our grand, which is a huge departure from how I was raised. A quick slap was the tool of choice during my upbringing. Not excessively by any means but used nonetheless.
Psychology has helped myself and OH to map out our own path on the family front, not conforming to our own parents ideals. Its not as easy as it sounds.
Today I went into work, for what was supposed to be my final time.
It was a day full of saddness and shock as myself and colleagues learned that one of our own sadly passed away last night.
The mood was understandibly low as everyone tried to process the news. She was in charge of all our labs. She was the go to person if we had issues with our practical classes, but more than this, she was a really really nice lady who has been taken far too soon.
The teaching labs will never be the same again. It really hit me though that she has left behind a grieving family. A family that would give anything to spend more time with her.
I sway back and forth on the positives and negatives of us moving back home. Today I’m grateful that I’ve resigned. I’m grateful that myself, OH and little man will spend more time with our families.
That’s what life is really about isn’t it? On our death beds, none of us will be wishing that we worked more!!!! Call the ones you love today, because tomorrow they might not be here…..
My little man asked to go Pee pee at the weekend. He’s been following Granda alot and has become interested.
Today we’ve set up his potty, stripped his bottom bare and now we’re running after him with paper towels at the ready.
We’ve had several puddles on the floor, but he definitely does like his new potty (the built in flush sound is a hit)
Watch this space. I’ll post what I’ve learned from the experience if this go is successful. We really haven’t a clue what we’re doing. I’ve only ever trained puppies. Little people are a whole other prospect.