379. Dad

My sister has phoned me several times this past few days.  She’s not allowed to ring me; “don’t dare tell mum, she’ll kill me” 

Apparently I’m too fragile to cope with this, but as fucked up my relationship with big sis is can be… come on we’re sisters, so we tell each other (almost) everything…..

It turns out that Dad is really depressed, proper won’t get out of bed, won’t talk, won’t lift his head from his hands depressed.  And mum, well, mum is in denial, or incapable of doing anything supportive.  She’ll be angry at him and will interrogate with the venum of a python, and he will shut down, and wimpwr like captured prey.  The tension (the same tension that filled our childhoods) will be palpable, as they sit in separate rooms, refusing as always to support each other, show love for each other, or ffs learn a way to tolerate each other.

Myself and sis are scared.  Twice this week dad has driven off for hours, and he confessed that ” he doesn’t get on with anyone anymore”  He’s feeling suicidal, but I’m not supposed to know. 

He’s had lows before, that sis and I picked up on, but they’d usually resolve with a little time. He’s prone to fall8ng out with ppl and when he does, he doesn’t cope well. But this episode is much more serious. Something is wrong but he won’t say what.

How do I help him, or help mum to help him, if I’m not supposed to know.  This is my family ladies and gentlemen.  No communication, no acceptance that sis and I are adults that could help, but most off all…. No no no NO to disclosure, “oh my god what would everybody think of us?” 

Loopy x.

293. An unusual dilemma.

It’s day 3 of potty training and we’re now at around 50% success rates. Not bad going really, and I’m feeling proud of our little man.

He loves using his potty. Well actually to be more precise, he loves emptying his potty down the “big toilet” Here in lies the dilemma. Our little man’s control is so good that he stops his pee pee mid flow, so that he can go clean the potty. He empties it, goes again with a few more dribbles and so the routine follows until he’s eventually empty.

It’s great that he’s doing so well, but mmmmmm we can’t go back and forth repeatidly all day. These little people certainly do keep us on our toes.

PS potty training is very similar to training a puppy…Consistency is key!.. 😉

Loopy x

285. I’m phoning Dad.

My father has always been the more affectionate of my parents. He has tried to shower us with kisses and hugs and warmth at times, and I’ve always awkwardly recieved them, often pulling away from him.

That is how my mum reacts and that is how I’ve learned to react. It seems a little cruel to me now, that I’ve essentially shot him down so many times, despite wishing my mum would act more like him.

Psychology has helped me to realise that my father really loves me, and that I give love, much like he does. I will no longer shoot him down. I will hug him with all my might, I will phone him more, and I will end every call, with ;”I love you too Dad”.

I’ve already started, and you know what; it’s awesome…

I love you Dad!!!

Loopy x