He’s been sniffing around today I can’t explain it, but my body feels tense and on edge. My mind feels useless and scatty. My future looks hopeless and worthless.
I hate when I feel like this. I want to buy pills, I’m toying with self harm. I’ve thrown up. I’m slipping somewhat and it scares me.
Just go to bed loopy. No buying pills, no self harm, no undoing the progress you’ve made lately.
Just go to bed!!
“You sound hyped” my sister remarked, as we chatted earlier.
She was right, I do feel quite manic today. I’m in a good mood. I bought clothes in the spur of the moment, which I rarely do. If my bank account could cope, I’d have bought an iPad.
I’m looking at ebikes, that cost thousands. I’m searching amazon for things to buy. I want to spend!!!
My rational brain is holding me back. I don’t get paid until Monday. Hopefully my desire to buy stuff will have eased by then. If not, I’ll quickly blow my first pay cheque.
I’m frigging pumped!!!
As part off today’s spending spree which includes a bike light, toothbrush heads, and charcoal toothpaste, I’ve also ordered zopiclone.
I can’t fully explain why I’ve bought them. I just know that I’ve been craving their sedation and I can’t resist the urge any longer. I’m not coping.. I guess today’s actions are proof of that.
I’m losing control….
Damn it Loopy!!! Now where’s that safety plan of yours??!!!
It was bad enough when I was working, but now that I’m unemployed, I really can’t afford to be impulse buying……
Try telling that to my brain. It’s 9.30 pm and I’ve just come back from a bike ride. This little jaunt was not for exercise or pleasure. NO at 8.30 I decided I needed new bed covers, and NO it can’t wait until tomorrow… Sainsbury’s would have some (damn you Sainsburys!!), and try as I might to resist the urge; I failed!!!! At least I burned some calories..
Oh come on, who doesn’t love new sheets!
I’ve bought some new lights, not really out of need, but out of impulse. I do that when I’m low. I browse through amazon for several items I suddenly desire, and before I know it, I’ve racked up a hundred quid.
On the bright side, my bike and clobber is illuminated like a fairground ride. No harm really; well except that I can’t financially afford these impulses.
Here’s a tip though. If I can smell your sweet blossom aroma from my bike as I whiz past you in frost bitten breezy air; No shit Sherlock!!! YOU’RE WEARING TOO MUCH PERFUME!!!.