224. Moles, moles everywhere!!

I’m lying in bed now starting to freak out. I need to sleep, I’m up at 6.

Tomorrow for the first time, I’m in charge of running a lab prac. Considering i walked out and had a meltdown last week, doesn’t bold well for tomorrow.

The morning session looks easy enough and so I thought; “o.k loopy, you’ve got this”. A couple of basic chem titrations to determine unknown conentrations of Vit C in juices and tablets. Simple!

Tonight though I’ve prepped for the afternoon session. I really need more time to pull it off with a swagger. The whole afternoon is dedicated to calculations, specifically paracetamol toxicity calculations and other mathematical tools to read blood parameters and figure out why our poor mystery patient is in so much trouble.

A practical on frigging drug overdoses!!! Seriously. Maybe next year I could suggest zopiclone toxicity. I suppose although this cuts a little close to the bone for me, I would never ever use paracetamol as a suicide agent.

The main problem with tomorrow is the sheer harassment I’ll get from students and paid demnstarors on how to perform the tasks set. It will be exhausting!!.

They better be able to calculate Moles per litre, and convert this into all manners of solutions. They better be happy with dilution factors and ratios. They better ace drawing standard curved and extrapolation of data. They better frigging listen when I talk them through things.

My head already hurts from the fatigue of prepping. Tomorrow, if I can limp over the line with these students, I shall count it as a victory. Tomorrow afternoon is definatly too much too soon.

Loopy x

116. Physically exhausted.

My ears are crackling, my nasal passages are inflamed, my glands are swollen and my body feels heavy and unwieldy.  My mind is fuzzy and everything aches. I’m physically exhausted.

How do you elevate your mood when your body just wants to collapse? I’ve just come back from a short night bike ride.  I really had to force myself to go. It’s the one thing though that I seem to be able to push upon myselft, and it doesn’t put much stain on my aching ankle joint.

It was eerily quiet except for a couple of anglers down along the shore front. It was just me, the sea breeze, the city skyline and my thoughts. My thoughts move a little slower when I’m pumping pedals. I’m no longer able to kick Wilson, which is proving problematic, so I need those few moments of calm that two wheels bring me.

I cried on Mum today.  She finally rang me this morning and I broke down. Nothing has really changed and I’m losing hope.  OH who promised to step up seems less motivated than ever.  I think I’ve broken him too.

We need help.

Loopy x.

bike ride 2