417. Black Beauty.

After passing probation and being confirmed in my job, I treated myself. 
My last bike was good, but this one??? Oh baby!!!!
When I can muster the motivation to actually drag my arse out the door and go, cycling clears my head, fills me with joy and boosts my mood.

I love it!  Now it’s time to shift all those pounds I’ve been gaining during lockdown.

Loopy x

378. Still nauseous.

A few days ago, I blamed this on drug withdrawal, but I was wrong. I’ve since recieved my correct meds, but the nausea has persisted.

My little jaunt to the gym today hasn’t helped   I’ve not worked out in days, it was worrying me.  So today, I pushed through the feelings of sickness, lightheadedness, and utter fatigue

JUST 10 MORE Kcal LOOPY, COME ON FATTTY; 10 MORE!!!! So 10 became 100, and then 150, and then 300.  I was in no fit state for this, but in the war between my body, and my mind….my mind won out.

Now home, I’m wondering is it just a mundane bug that will run it’s course soon, or is it much more serious.  I’m catastrophising, but I’m on a heck off a lot of pills; some prescribed, and some not  Are my liver, pancreas or my kidneys crying out for help.

The scales, by the way have finally dipped below 57kg.  56.9 to be precise, but is this actually a win, or is my body slowly giving up.

Loopy x

314. I can’t talk to you.

Would it be rude to say this to my new CPN? Would it be nasty to say it to OH?

I’m self distructing again. I know I’m losing control. I know I’m developing bad habits and dangerous behaviours. I know my mind is broken.

I can’t talk to anyone. I can’t even call any helplines as there are always people within earshot. I don’t know what to do?

Loopy x

313. Orange!!!

This one’s a bit gross………

So it’s day 4 of orlistat use. It has certainly kicked in. If you’re ever tempted to try it, or you’re prescribed it; be warned!!

If your diet contains alot of fat (like mine as it turns out), your poop will be orange!!! Not some kind off; hmmm is it brown, is it red? No it’s bright frigging orange!!!!

I’m determined to lose weight. I’ve done it before, so I can do it again. I know I shouldn’t be using orlistat, I know I should address my diet, I know there are healthier ways to do this. But right now I’m proud of thus evenings walk, this evenings cycle and dare I say it; my orange poop.

Loopy x