“You can’t grow confidence in your comfort zone”
I read this somewhere, and by chance tested the theory today. Those of you following will know I’m in a new job. Senior Lecturer at a pretty good university. Teaching our undergrads began this week.
I’m not too bad at presentations. I’m visually impaired so often I can’t actually see all the points I’m talking about. The benefit is that I never just read off slides. The downside is that I need a little more time to prep.
Today however, I had 2 hours to throw together a presentation on “How to give a presentation” to final year biomedical science students. It was dumped on me completely out of the blue and last minute.
This was definetly out off my comfort zone. I must admit though that my current cocktail of meds curtailed successfully any anxiety or fear that unmedicated me would normally feel.
This was my first solo presentation in my new role, to 100 final years, and you know what? It went absolutely fine.
It was indeed a confidence booster.
until you make it!!! I’m experiencing imposter syndrome. How the heck did I walk into my current job. I’m coming up on two weeks, and I’m waiting. Any day now they’ll realise I’m not up to it and they’ll kick me out.
I was doing some serious foot tapping today. It’s a sign that my mind is struggling. Anxiety and self doubts are creeping in. Left unchecked they could quickly sabotage my prospects.
Come on Loopy, you can do this!! Plan a treat for yourself, you deserve it.
I feel almost whole again. I attribute far too much self worth to my career, but oh my word, I’m happy to be back at work.
I’ve just completed day two off my new job, and the staff could not have been any friendlier. I feel instantly at home, which is a huge relief.
The pressure will start to kick in next week when the students arrive. I will quickly assume senior level responsibilities but I’m hopeful that I’ll cope.
I’m not a girly girl. You’re more likely to find me kicking a ball, wrestling MMA style with OH, or playing with little man’s toy trucks……but tonight?????
OH my word, I’m searching frantically for bags!! Tote bags, small bags, printy bags; kipling, Michael kors, Burberry and every high street I can think off.
My new job is awakening my inner diva!!!
Day 1 is fast approaching and I must strutt in with style……
I’m in shock to be honest. I’ve just had a phone call from the occi health department of my new employer.
“The physician had a look at your forms, and is happy to sign you off as fit”
Really? You don’t even want to see me?
I declared my mental ill health on the forms and have been worried, really worried that they’d withdraw my job offer. But no, I’ve been given the all clear.
I intend to pay for private therapy. I intend to book regular massages and other enjoyable treats.
This is my fresh start. Do it right loopy, look after yourself.
I’ve just read my last post, and it’s hard to imagine that’s how I felt just days ago. Switching from utter despair to my present uplifted buoyancy is exhausting, but the good days keep me afloat.
Yesterday was a good day, a great day in fact. I went to meet my new boss, and I had a tour of where I’ll be working. Everyone was so friendly and welcoming. It was really really nice to feel that sense of professional loopy again.
I finished off last night with an endorphin boosting gym session.
I’ve not yet been cleared to start by Occi Health but I’m a little more hopeful.
My anxiety levels are through the roof. I’ve been offered my dream job, but I fear it shall be snatched away from me.
The medical questionnaire was very in depth. If I lied too much, I could be easily caught out. I fear I’ve spilled too much. I fear the prejudices and stigma around mental health will come to the fore and rob me off my future.
I can’t bear it. Best case scenario I’m pulled into Occi Health for an assessment. Worse case……..well…………….
If I lose it now, I’ll be more than crushed.
I should have lied!!!
This morning I got the call; “We were impressed, we’d like to offer you the job” I couldn’t believe it! How on earth have I just managed to get a senior lecturer position!!! Will I cope??? F$%k it, I must at least try.
OH started his new job today. His fortunes weren’t so good. He hates it. Not just new starter nerves, but a genuine, depression inducing, cannot do this a minute longer hatred. I felt so sorry for him this evening. In truth I could see it coming. He showed no enthusiasm during his training, and zero excitement at the prospect of starting. He’ll likely quit tomorrow; and he has my full support in that.
It’s been an odd day.