The fatter I feel. I look down on my grotesque lump of a mid rift and I shudder. The number on the scale is going down excrutiatingly slowly, but I dont believe it anyway.
I’m fat, outta shape and ugly., and let’s be honest, I’m a drug addict.
I’m getting no help over here, and I have no one to talk too
I’m struggling to keep afloat. Today i purged at work, AT WORK and again after dinner at home. I then hit the gym already exhausted but the usuál mantra of run fatty run overode all my senses, so I ran.
!The crash is coming. I’m losing control. My chest is tight and I’m often oddly breathless.
I need help
I used to find blogging cathartic but at the moment I just can’t be bothered.
It’s a familiar feeling. The stats indicate that no one is reading it anyway.
Posts would be treading over old ground. The cyclical feelings of worthlessness, ugliness and increasing hoplesness. What the hell is wrong with me?
On a side note, I’ve ordered pills. It sounded dodgy from the start. Indian voices on a crackled line have kinda prepped me for identity theft, a bank account clear out, and a package that will never arrive. If it does arrive, god knows what’s in them!! I don’t really remember placing the order, or consuming the choclate bar, whose wrapper I found on my bedside locker this morning. Life’s becoming a little hazy.
It’s the new year and for many off us, that means RESOLUTIONS. Most of these will centre around health and fitness goals.
That can only mean one thing. Crowds of women flocking to gyms, squeezed into lycra. Don’t get me wrong, I admire their gusto. Today I sweat amongst them. But OH dear Lord!! I wish this lycra fad would end. I’m blind as a bat, but even my eyes gasped at the muffin tops and camel toes!!! I dread to think what someone with 20/20 vision would be subjected to.. Having said that, keep it up ladies, may 2020 bring you fitness and good health.
I’m starting the year at 59.15 kg. It’s a figure that does not sit well with me. I’m sporting muffin tops off my own. I feel grotesque. I can sense a working out frenzy coming. I don’t do things by half, it’s not in my black and white nature.
Let’s hope I can stay in control. Gym sessions, will at least, reduce my need to purge.