Hello all, I’m back. I took a bit of a blogging break for a while there. I read somewhere that we’re all basically big gooey organ filled, high thinking batteries and sooooo…..we should drop the things that drain us and keep those thing that charge us back up
My last blog was a while ago. I found myself drained doing them. Almost like sitting in an actual therapy session but without the support. I have started to miss blogging though.
So I’m back!!
I’ve been struggling. In truth I’m stressed with work,and when I’m stressed, I quickly lose my ability to cope.
OH is working a long day, so it’s just been me and little man. I found it hard to cope. I shoved my eyepad before his eye as much as I could. I avoided him, I grew frustrated with him, and in turn he grew whiney, and clingy.
Its not his fault, it’s mine. So this evening I’ve given in to temptation, I’ve done what I needed to do, to get me through today.
It hurts now. Why do I do this to myself.
What happens when you mix glorious sunshine, with quietiapine and albinism??
Lobster Loopy, that’s what I went for a bike ride today, but stupidly forgot to apply my factor 50. I’m growing redder by the minute.
The worst part is scorching the backs of my hands as any movement at all stretches and pulls at the skin.
34 odd years with albinism and a few years on quietiapine, you think I’d know better.
On a side note, I’m really really really missing C and L today. I had my first phone contact with my new care coordinator this afternoon. They prefer the term key workers over here. I think it’s because the title of care co-ordinator could be taken up with trading standards!!! They coordinate f$%k all.
To quote directly I was told” it’s not like I’ll be ringing you every week, I’ll review you in a month”
Can please please PLEASE have L or C again……
I’m a mum, I’m a good mum, no actually I’m a great mum!!! I need to be kinder to myself.
COVID had been horrendous for many reasons but for me the isolation and lockdown with my beautiful, funny, cheeky, boisterous little man, has shown me I can do this. I love him and he loves me too.
Just take each day as it comes and tackle one thing at a time.
I CAN DO THIS!!!!
I mentioned in a previous post that I’d ordered pills online. Since the clampdown on Uk online pharmacies selling sedatives, I’ve been becoming a little desperate.
I was expecting my account to cleared out, my identity to be stolen and that the pills would never arrive.
Today I recieved my little package. The contents perceptible by touch. They’ve not even bothered with a box.
I lied to my psychiatrist and CPN today. I felt ashamed. “Have you ordered any Loopy?” Nope, I have not……..
They’ve travelled from Mumbai to Coventry, and then Ireland. I’m a little shocked, but now they’re calling to me; “go on, just try one”
So I have………
I’m actually a little proud of myself. This week, was a big one at work. We had panel meetings and curriculum scrutiny, and through it all I remained calm, somewhat competent and dare I say: confident.
I was pulled in as course co-ordinator, module co-ordinator, learning and teaching committee member, disability advisor and all round jack of all trades.
Today was the final day of term, AND I SURVIVED!! This morning I marked presentations, sorted exams, and then spent the afternoon laughing, joking and Christmas quizzing with my wonderful new colleagues. I’m now slightly tipsy on mulled wine, but I don’t think that’s the sole cause of my optimism.
Well done Loopy, seriously well done!!
Talking about your zopiclone addiction with a GP is never easy. Trying to do it over the phone in a busy bus station, certainly made it tougher. I wish they’d called me earlier.
So this week my CPN called my GP to discuss my reliance on sleeping pills. He promptly suggested 7.5mg for 1 week and then 3.75mg for a week, then stop. She agreed, not knowing my current usage. She agreed, having no real clue, what’s going on with me. I pretty promptly had to call them direct.
Hence the akward phonecall. A lovely GP called me, and we agreed a more realustuc plan. But she insisted I come in, whuch has been arranged for next week, with a not so lovely GP. I’m dreading it.
For now, Im getting 7.5mg and 3.75ng daily, dispensed every 2 days.
The change in regulations, governing online pharmacies in the UK is a good thing. But my addicted brain, is screaming at me to find a drug dealer. I’m not ready to taper off. I’m not ready to give them up.