413. The best medicine.

I’m a mum, I’m a good mum, no actually I’m a great mum!!! I need to be kinder to myself. 

COVID had been horrendous for many reasons but for me the isolation and lockdown with my beautiful, funny, cheeky, boisterous little man, has shown me I can do this.  I love him and he loves me too. 

Just take each day as it comes and tackle one thing at a time.

I CAN DO THIS!!!!

Loopy x

372. A gift from Mumbai.

I mentioned in a previous post that I’d ordered pills online. Since the clampdown on Uk online pharmacies selling sedatives, I’ve been becoming a little desperate.

I was expecting my account to cleared out, my identity to be stolen and that the pills would never arrive.

Today I recieved my little package. The contents perceptible by touch.  They’ve not even bothered with a box. 
I lied to my psychiatrist and CPN today.  I felt ashamed.  “Have you ordered any Loopy?” Nope, I have not……..

They’ve travelled from Mumbai to Coventry, and then Ireland.  I’m a little shocked, but now they’re calling to me; “go on, just try one”

So I have………
Loopy x

358. Wearing many hats.

I’m actually a little proud of myself. This week, was a big one at work. We had panel meetings and curriculum scrutiny, and through it all I remained calm, somewhat competent and dare I say: confident.

I was pulled in as course co-ordinator, module co-ordinator, learning and teaching committee member, disability advisor and all round jack of all trades.

Today was the final day of term, AND I SURVIVED!! This morning I marked presentations, sorted exams, and then spent the afternoon laughing, joking and Christmas quizzing with my wonderful new colleagues. I’m now slightly tipsy on mulled wine, but I don’t think that’s the sole cause of my optimism.

Well done Loopy, seriously well done!!

Loopy x

351. In the bus station.

Talking about your zopiclone addiction with a GP is never easy. Trying to do it over the phone in a busy bus station, certainly made it tougher. I wish they’d called me earlier.

So this week my CPN called my GP to discuss my reliance on sleeping pills. He promptly suggested 7.5mg for 1 week and then 3.75mg for a week, then stop. She agreed, not knowing my current usage. She agreed, having no real clue, what’s going on with me. I pretty promptly had to call them direct.

Hence the akward phonecall. A lovely GP called me, and we agreed a more realustuc plan. But she insisted I come in, whuch has been arranged for next week, with a not so lovely GP. I’m dreading it.

For now, Im getting 7.5mg and 3.75ng daily, dispensed every 2 days.

The change in regulations, governing online pharmacies in the UK is a good thing. But my addicted brain, is screaming at me to find a drug dealer. I’m not ready to taper off. I’m not ready to give them up.

Loopy x