On days like this, I want to stay in bed. I want to avoid the world and be alone. I blog on bad days.
Here’s the thing though. I’ve had more good days lately, than bad. I should be writing about those.
This past week I’ve been reducing my zopiclone and diazepam usage. I’ve been playing with and loving little man. I’ve been productive work wise, and have even 99% landed an external examiner post. I’ve been on my bike, I’ve been cuddling with OH. I’ve been having argument free chats with dearest sister. I’ve been puking less and no self harm. I’ve been doing well.
The reality here is that, to some extent COVID lockdown is giving me breathing space, a chance to bond, a chance to reset.
Today was a bad day, but the week has been good.
Focus on the good!!!
Loopy x
Tag: recovery psychology
397. Zombied and hopless.
The plan these days seems to be “keep her doped with lorazepam”
Any little sign of anxiety and BAM!!; “Loopy will you take some prn”?
I will, but so far they’ve done nothing for my mood. I’m more zombied now but still, I’m done, I’m done, I’m done.
My whoie day is spent scanning for ligature points and ways out. My mood is dark. My voice is flat, and my flaws are endless.
Your a stupid, selfish, horrible bitch loopy, and you should do the world a favour.
My thoughts are not enttirely rational. I want to die. I just want to die. I need to just do it.
Loopy x
359. It’s Christmas!!!
Well almost anyway. I’m now off for my Christmas break!!!
Tomorrow my little man turns the big 3. I can’t believe it. I’m glad that I’m alive for him.
Cuddles and pressies and cake all round tomorrow.
Loopy x
What really happens in somones head? 