I’ve not had the motivation to cycle lately. I’ve been lazy, lethargic and just blah
Work wise we are operating through MS teams and I know some of my colleagues like to cycle so I’ve set us a challenge.
How fast can we as a group cover the length of beautiful ireland. I’d kind off forgotten we’re all in academia, which means that we’re quite a competitive bunch.
The race is on to do the 581 km, not just as a group, but Individually!!!
Hell yeah, I’m competitive!! It’s just what I needed to get me pedalling again. 16km down, only 565 to go!!
Loopy x
Tag: work
414.Work probation.
I’ve only gone and done it!! I’ve passed my probation period at work and have been confirmed in post despite my recent absence.
I’m in shock, I’m thankful and oh my god, I’m so relieved. Apparently I’ve proven I can do the job, and I’ve hit all my probation objectives.
A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
My boss knows of my llness (depression) and gave the green light anyway. I could seriously hug him!
Be proud today loopy, and you know what, go on buy that new bike you want.
Loopy x
371. A brainwave.
I have a PhD but I’m clearly not very smart. I’ve been lecturing now for around 6 years, and in those years my poor eyesight has induced high levels of stress and sleepless nights.
I teach biomedical science, which by it’s very nature is reliant on many complicated diagrams depicting complex pathways and molecular processes. The poor eyesight has been an issue, because I often can’t see the diagram I’m explaining. Lecture theatre screens just aren’t that big!! (You may disagree)
I have therefore spent hours memorizing the orientation and specific location of items on the diagram so that I could confidently explain it.
Yesterday a light bulb went off in my head. Lecture capture and screen capture technology has been around for years now.
Loopy, you dumbass!!!, just make a recording of your explanations of the diagram in your office, with your large screen and huge notes. Then embed it into your PowerPoint.
It’ll save you hours of stress and will actually help your students with their revision.
Flashback Pro 5, you are the best £60 I’ve spent in quite some time….
Loopy x
354. A pleasure to read.
I’m a luttle snowed under with marking at the moment. I have a stack of 2nd year essays, on everyhing from platelet biology, to cervical smeara, to organ and tissue prep for pathology. Basically, its heavy reading.
I get a whole spectrum of work, ranging from “how on earth did you make it this far” to ” oh my god, you write better than most professors”
Marking, as a task, is much like the turbulence of BPD. Sometimes I want to pull my hair out! Long, undulatung, non sensical paragrahs, devoid of punctuation, literally suck the life out of me, and force me to question my life choices.
Fatigue, despair, and hoplessness grab hold and then, just like magic I find a diamond in the rough! A piece of work, that jumps out at mje, that leads me on a journey of discovery and wonder. A piece of work that’s tantilising, eliquent and most importantly, PROPERLY REFERENCED!
In an education sector, where we are systematically removing the space for natural flare, the space for innovatuon and self driven excellance, through the assessment coaching, through transparency of marking rubrics and criteria, and through business driven hand holding, its great to draw the battle lines with a simple scientific essay. Most will fade into insignificance, and few will emerge as heros!
Well done student J!You’ve listened, you’ve learned and you’ve inspired me to fight on, and to lecture another day.
Loooy x
349. Under my desk.
I was unbelieveably tired this morning. I got up at my usual, 5.45am, got ready, and caught my. bus.
I snoozed on the commute as I usually do. It’s not proper sleep, it’s more like drifting in and out of consciousness aftet a few too many boozy beverages.
At my destination, I was still drained, but somehow managed to carry my heavily weighted limbs for the 25 min walk to my office. Once I arrived though, I was done. Physically and emotionally exhausted. I could barely stand, barely hold my head straight, so I did something quite odd.
I locked my door, climbed under my desk, lay on the floor and snoozed. Around 45 minutes later I awoke to the sound of colleagues chatting down the corridor. I was now just slightly more awake, and able to face the day.
I’ve never done that before, but in sheer desperation I just had to lie down.
I’m struggling folks, but no one’s noticing.
Loopy x
343. Where has my confidence gone?……
and why is my head so foggy?
I gave a lecture today. I was nervous, and it showed. I fumbled my way through bullet points, searched my mind for factual recall that just wouldn’t come to me, and overall it was uncomfortable for me.
I could hear my own voice relayed around the lecture theatre and I hated it. My head is foggy though, forgetful and muddled. It’s very frustrating.
I don’t know if it’s my meds, or if this is just the new me now? Have my breakdowns done this to me?
On a side note, I now need to upload further supplementary resources for the students, to compensate for my incompetence.
Swagger, If you’re out there, look me up. I need you back.
Loopy x
330. Welcomed with open arms.
I feel almost whole again. I attribute far too much self worth to my career, but oh my word, I’m happy to be back at work.
I’ve just completed day two off my new job, and the staff could not have been any friendlier. I feel instantly at home, which is a huge relief.
The pressure will start to kick in next week when the students arrive. I will quickly assume senior level responsibilities but I’m hopeful that I’ll cope.
Loopy x
326. The all clear.
I’m in shock to be honest. I’ve just had a phone call from the occi health department of my new employer.
“The physician had a look at your forms, and is happy to sign you off as fit”
Really? You don’t even want to see me?
I declared my mental ill health on the forms and have been worried, really worried that they’d withdraw my job offer. But no, I’ve been given the all clear.
I intend to pay for private therapy. I intend to book regular massages and other enjoyable treats.
This is my fresh start. Do it right loopy, look after yourself.
Loopy x
308. Job interviews.
It’s pretty much 12am and I’m just heading for bed. I’ve been preparing a PowerPoint presentation, that must be submitted by tomorrow. “How would you embed employability into the science cirriculum?. It’s for my “dream job” at a top UK Russell group uni, yet my hearts not in it. Why is my heart not in it?
I’ve completed the slides, and will send them off by the deadline tomorrow. But I really must summon some enthusiasm before the actual interview/interrogation on the 31st of this month.
I must also prepare for a phone interview this Friday at another university for a part time, working from home gig. I have no enthusiasm for that either. What the hell is wrong with me??!!
On a side note, I think I should set up a CV consultancy business. I’m very good (near 100% success) at landing interviews!!!
Loopy x
254. Running Away
I wan’t to run. I wan’t to turn my back on England and all the mysery it has brought me and run!!!! Our landlord is forcing us to move out and yesterday I reciveved a message completely out of the blue, from an old friend who has informed me that his institution back in Ireland are recruiting lecturers. Last week I spoke with my CPN about giving up on everything here and running, and now I’m seeing “signs” that maybe its time to do just that.
Is it crazy to make such decisions now, when I’m so medicated, irrational, depressed and scared. Ireland has a different pace of life, I have family there, support there. I am more comfortable with its schooling system and ways. Would moving home help fix me??? This job is still a 4 hour drive from “home” but at least its the same flipping island. They could visit us, and we could visit them much more easily. Little man could get to know his cousins.
What would OH do? Should we live apart for a while? Would it just bring me the same mysery but in a different city. Should I just face the fact that life is not for me and end it?
I’ve spent today updating my CV.
I really don’t know what to do!!!! I’m sure I won’t secure the job anyway, but its forcing me to think and its stressing me out…………………………
Loopy x.
What really happens in somones head? 