364, Muffin tops and camel toes.

It’s the new year and for many off us, that means RESOLUTIONS. Most of these will centre around health and fitness goals.

That can only mean one thing. Crowds of women flocking to gyms, squeezed into lycra. Don’t get me wrong, I admire their gusto. Today I sweat amongst them. But OH dear Lord!! I wish this lycra fad would end. I’m blind as a bat, but even my eyes gasped at the muffin tops and camel toes!!! I dread to think what someone with 20/20 vision would be subjected to.. Having said that, keep it up ladies, may 2020 bring you fitness and good health.

I’m starting the year at 59.15 kg. It’s a figure that does not sit well with me. I’m sporting muffin tops off my own. I feel grotesque. I can sense a working out frenzy coming. I don’t do things by half, it’s not in my black and white nature.

Let’s hope I can stay in control. Gym sessions, will at least, reduce my need to purge.

Loopy x

137. Hello old friend (or foe?).

Shortly after yesterdays blog, I succumbed to the calls from my old friend (or foe).  It blistered almost immediately. On the psych ward I only had access to boiling water, so the wounds weren’t so bad. Now that I’m home with my usual means, this could get out off hand again.  I had psychology today, but I didn’t tell her.  I guess I’m ashamed.

This weekend is going to be tough.  I’m home alone for the first time since attempting to end my life. I’m a little weary.  My head doesn’t do so good when I’m alone. My psycholgoist armed me with a list of numbers to call, if I’m distressed. Does that mean she doesn’t have much faith in me either? I’m seeing her again on Monday though which is good.

I’ll end this on a postive note.  I’m just back from the gym.  I achieved a PB in a 2000 m row on a Concept 2 Rower. 10 mins 22 seconds which admittidely is still quite slow but when I started 3 weeks ago it took me 11 mins 23 sec.  I’d love to hear your times if you’ve done it.  Lifes not about getting there fast, it’s just about getting there.

I didn’t want to go to the gym, but I made myself.  I’m practising being compassionate which isn’t just about being nice all the time, it’s also about giving yourself a good talking to when you need it. I’m glad I went.

Loopy x.