I’m low today, 273.15 kelvin low, tears flowing despite the diazepam low. Today I have no hope. I overheard chatter earlier about paying off mortgages and retirement plans etc and all I was thinking; “what type of coffin would I like?” I self harmed just a little. It didn’t help.
I’m so torn right now between living and dying. I know it would devestate my family, but they’d get over it in time wouldn’t they? My son is young enough now not to ever remember knowing me, so wouldn’t it be easier on him if I did it now?
Can I ever pick myself back up from this? Every child deserves a mother, but a good mother. How can I be that for him now? I’m rambling………….
To top it all off I kicked Wilson over the roof. I badly need a new Wilson. I’ll do some punching maybe.