32.The rain clouds in my mind let loose.

I’m low today, 273.15 kelvin low, tears flowing despite the diazepam low.  Today I have no hope.  I overheard chatter earlier about paying off mortgages and retirement plans etc and all I was thinking; “what type of coffin would I like?” I self harmed just a little.  It didn’t help.

I’m so torn right now between living and dying.  I know it would devestate my family, but they’d get over it in time wouldn’t they? My son is young enough now not to ever remember knowing me,  so wouldn’t it be easier on him if I did it now?

Can I ever pick myself back up from this? Every child deserves a mother, but a good mother.  How can I be that for him now? I’m rambling………….

To top it all off I kicked Wilson over the roof.  I badly need a new Wilson. I’ll do some punching maybe.

Loopy x.

 

Author: insideloopyshead

On paper I have the perfect life, good career, supportive and loving partner and a beautiful little son. But today I want to die. It’s time to set my thoughts free. Come along with my daily mental adventures and gain insight into warped thinking and it’s hazards and maybe support me along the way.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s