25. Losing the ability to cry.

I’ve noticed I’m becoming more and more tense and aggresive.  Not actually lashing out at people, as that would be rude and unfair to them but I’m on the brink.  I just want to smash stuff.  Wilson helps a little with that I guess.

But what’s causing it?  I’m now on diazepam 3 times a day and as we all know GABA agonists should be sedating and calming, and I guess in one sense they are.  I seem to have lost the ability to cry, or at least it’s hugely diminished. I’ve got all this pent up emotion that I can’t release and it’s frustrating, making me tenser and more prone beating my matress, pacing the yard and belting Wilson of the wall. I’ve also been a little clever with the self harm.  Nothing too bad but enough to take the edge off.

I need to cry again.

Loopy x.

Author: insideloopyshead

On paper I have the perfect life, good career, supportive and loving partner and a beautiful little son. But today I want to die. It’s time to set my thoughts free. Come along with my daily mental adventures and gain insight into warped thinking and it’s hazards and maybe support me along the way.

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