I’ve noticed I’m becoming more and more tense and aggresive. Not actually lashing out at people, as that would be rude and unfair to them but I’m on the brink. I just want to smash stuff. Wilson helps a little with that I guess.
But what’s causing it? I’m now on diazepam 3 times a day and as we all know GABA agonists should be sedating and calming, and I guess in one sense they are. I seem to have lost the ability to cry, or at least it’s hugely diminished. I’ve got all this pent up emotion that I can’t release and it’s frustrating, making me tenser and more prone beating my matress, pacing the yard and belting Wilson of the wall. I’ve also been a little clever with the self harm. Nothing too bad but enough to take the edge off.
I need to cry again.