So alot has been happening in the past few days but I guess the biggest and most overwheming experience was being escorted from the AMU to my hopefully temporary new home in our local Psychiatry hospital. Clock View is by all means a modern interpretation of a pysc hospital, newly built and all glass and airy. Good for the mind I guess. Like everyone of us I had preconceptions about what to expect admittedly largely based on movies and TV and anechdotes of people from home who have been carted off these places.
Let me tell you that my first imprssions were everything you might expect but also nothing you might expect. I arrived and was buzzed into the ward. Several passages through locked doors lived up to the sterotype and certainly got my heart pumping. There were no white coats, but only lovely ladies casually dressed in t-shirts and trainers distinguishable from patients only by their lanyards. I was met a lovely lady who could clearly tell I was nervous. The first thing we did was go through my bag. I had little with me, as I hadn’t prepped for this. I was glad off that as we looked at every item and assessed its lethalness. I could pose harm to myself so my twezzers and phone charger were whisked asway to a locked room for usage when I requested and was accompanied. Every shampoo bottle, liquid etc was sniffed for alcohol content. I could keep my clothes, what little I had with me, and I was qucikly given some charming NHS pjs. I was allowed to keep my phone though which was both a surprise and a huge relief.
Then the tour of the ward began. it’s a square corridor with a courtyard in the middle for fresh air (I hope you like cigarette smoke!!). Here’s the kitchen, laundry room, TV room and chill out rooms. it was all a haze. I couldn’t remember anything except the ramblings of other patients as they walked by us. Once the tour was over it was time to settle into my room.
Have you ever been to university? That’s what this is like, a dorm room with a single bed, desk and basic shelving. I notice the curtains hanging of the rail. I move them and they pull away completely. They’re meant to do that so that I can’t hang from them but bloody hell its frustrating. I’ll be fixing those daily. Staff show me the slots on my door window and how to close them for privacy, but there is no privacy in this place. I may close them but they will be opened every 15 mins or so throughout the night to check I’m still alive and not doing anything daft in the sanctuary of my room.
I need a shower, i stink!! but my ensuite has no door and its visable when the room door slats are open. Perhaps I’ll brave that tomorrow. I need a wee but again I’m petrified to go for fear of intrusion mid wizz. I hatch a plan, as soon as I’ve had a check, i’ll quickly pee before i think the next one is due. They are deliberatly rather unpredicatable so this will make for a fun game over the next few weeks.
Do i really belong here?
Let’s find out tomorrow.
Remember you are loved and an assett to this world.